THIS MOVIE CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. I AM SO IMPRESSED. I AM PRETTY SURE THIS IS THE BEST MUSICAL SINCE EASTER PARADE AND I AM OBSESSED WITH EASTER PARADE.

I’m done with caps lock. Here are more of my thoughts:

First off, how have none of these songs been on the radio?! I literally hear the same freaking Coldplay song every morning like these stations are stuck in 2005 and still NO ONE’S PLAYING THIS SOUNDTRACK? (Ok I lied about the caps lock). Let me just say that if you can play a song called “Panda” on the radio where the chorus is literally “Panda Panda Panda Panda” you can play “The Greatest Showman” soundtrack. It is so bomb I can’t even explain.

Second off, praise the Good Lord for the High School Musical series because without them we could not be this ecstatic about the fact that Zac Efron is finally in a musical that doesn’t make you cringe every time he has a line. Also, HI ZENDAYA WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN. Where were you during High School Musica 3, huh? Sorry Vanessa, but Zendaya can do yoga in the air with a rope and a hula hoop, you’re just good at math and imma need you to leave Zac alone now. (If you don’t get these references you should probably read up on some HSM trivia).

Third off, Keala Settle aka the bearded lady was hands down my favorite singer in this movie. If you haven’t seen it, she was basically Beyoncé in “Dreamgirls” with a beard. The notes she was hitting were stupid and I don’t care how much cleavage she was showing, her voice justified all questionable costume choices. You do you boo boo!

Fourth off, when Hugh Jackman doesn’t have to sing a duet with Russell Crow he is AMAZEBALLS. The only critique I have for Hugh is in the scene where he is chasing down the train to get his wife. He is literally sprinting for his life and still singing. That’s not possible because I try to do that at the gym all the time, and I can promise you that after you hit the “purposeful jog” pace, you can’t sing. So I know for a fact that it was not realistic and/or believable that Hugh could sing so beautifully while sprinting and jumping for a train. Nice try, Hollywood, but I’m gonna have to burst that bubble.

Fifth and finally, what I love most about this movie is the fact that it celebrates humanity and everyone’s differences. I want to get tattoos AND be tall AND learn to trapeze. Not sure if that was the moral of the story but I’m inspired so good job PT Barnum. I am filled with joy and I will 100% watch your movie again.

Popcorn Rating: 5 popped corns

I have already memorized every word in “Rewrite the Stars” and I will be grabbing every rope I see from now on just in case Zac Efron is waiting to catch me and tell me he wants to be with me and can’t hide it anymore. Wish me luck.

Love,

PFP

Warning: Do not watch the previews for this movie. They are incredibly misleading and I was un-pleasantly surprised with this film.

I truly believe that if all I knew about this movie was that it was based on a true story, I probably would have liked it. However, because I saw the stupid previews, I was convinced that this would be a feel-good “Mamma Mia” meets “Notting Hill” kind of a film. it was NOT. Instead it was “A Walk To Remember” meets “Anna Karenina” and it was no bueno.

Before I rant about all the random subplots that make this movie annoying, I want to say a couple positive things:

1) Meryl Streep, as usual, was amazing and her imitation singing of the real Florence Foster Jenkins was impeccable.

2) The piano accompanist was the best part of this film

3) Carnegie Hall is so pretty

Those are the positives, now onto my frustrations (spoiler alert):

1) Never in any of the previews did they mention that Florence was SICK! It makes everything about this film NOT funny. How can you laugh/chuckle at awful singing when you know the performer is deathly ill? The answer is: you can’t. So instead, you’re just sitting there watching Meryl get bullied by all these people knowing that she’s about to die of a disease she inherited from her super gross ex-husband!! You spend the entire movie wanting so badly for Meryl to be good at singing or to finally hit that one Mariah Carey note, but instead you just cringe and feel awful.

2) Was Hugh Grant really the best option for this film, Hollywood? We all know he’s a sleaze, so giving him a side chick in this film basically set him up to be the villain. Why didn’t you cast Stanley Tucci? He’s pure of heart and obviously loves Meryl, so why not cast him as the cheating husband? At least the audience would be willing to try and understand his situation, but Hugh?! Nope. Nobody likes him. So that “marriage” you tried to convince us of was doomed from day 1 of casting.

3) The main message of this film is still a mystery to me. Here’s a few messages that I thought I was supposed to glean from this film:

A- Don’t give up on your dreams because you might have enough money one day to fulfill them

B- If your spouse is delusional about their abilities, pay everyone off to convince them otherwise

C- Singing is about being brave not about being talented

D- Making a record is the best way to get to Carnegie

Now I didn’t do particularly well on the SAT especially on the questions that asked you what the main thesis of a paragraph was, but I promise you, this film’s main thesis was impossible to grasp. I know it’s based on a real story, but every movie has a moral or a message or a theme….except for “Florence Foster Jenkins” apparently.

4) Last but not least: those army men. I understand that this took place earlier in the 20th century, but they were SO RUDE and I honestly don’t know how you can sit in Carnegie Hall and be that disrespectful! I don’t know if that part of the film was exaggerated for the movie or if it was real. Whichever it was, it made me mad and I don’t think I could sit through that again.

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns

I honestly could not watch this again. There were some funny moments and again the pianist MADE this movie. But as a whole, it’s too painful and too confusing.

Sincerely

PFP

What is this movie.

Why are all the phone calls in black and white? Can you actually tattoo yourself with a pen and a needle? Were these scenes filmed in forward order or backward order? Is the moral of the story that you can be a murderer if you have a short term memory condition? What tattoo artist is willing to permanently ink “Find Him and Kill Him” on someone’s Chest?Also, is it just me or is this movie just a horrible version of 500 Days of Summer?

As you can see, I have a lot of questions about this film. I honestly can’t decide if this movie is brilliant or just cruel. I also can’t remember the last time I watched a movie where you like the main character for 99% of the movie and then in the last 10 seconds you realize you’ve been cheering for the wrong team. It’s an awful feeling. Very similar to when I realized that Caesar Salad was like 1,000 calories. I ordered it basically every time I went out thinking it was the “healthy” option CAUSE IT’S A SALAD! But Noooooo. Caesar had to make his dressing out of cheese, mayonnaise, and straight lard. So not only did I have to deal with being hungry for years but apparently I had also already consumed 80% of my total calories for the day?! I was “memento-ed”. (Just wait, that’ll be trending tomorrow.)

I also need to rant about the tattoos. I get that it makes the cover of the DVD look super edgy, but Guy Pearce’s tats were SO creepy. Now don’t judge me too quick, I am a major fan of tattoos. I watch tattoo shows ALL the time: Ink Master, Miami Ink, Tattoo Nightmares, LA Ink, and Bad Ink. I am not saying that tattoos are creepy, literally just Guy’s tattoos were utterly disturbing. Now I understand the idea of wanting facts about his wife’s murder to be permanent, but I cannot get over the awkward placement of these tattoos. I just think that there are some places on a man’s body that shouldn’t have tattoos. I will tell you where and why:

1) Arch Across Chest: you either can’t read it in the mirror OR no one else can read it while looking at you if you were “smart” enough to get it inked backwards.

2) Upper Thigh: literally the most unsexy spot on a man. No one ever wants to see your upper thigh.

3) Diagonal Across Chest: why separate your pecs like that? It’s like wearing a seatbelt all the time.

4) Straight Across Stomach: it’s like a front facing tramp stamp, but instead of above your crack it’s above your belly button.

5) Below Belly Button: no.

Here are my final thoughts on this movie: I think it’s cool how they edited the film to be pieced together backwards, I also think it’s cool that there were multiple plot twists throughout the film, however, between the super weird tattoos, constantly confusing “clues”, and completely morally questionable ending to this film, I’d recommend you only watch it if you’re on a plane and the other 15 movies available are in French.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns

Guy Pearce is cuter as a brunette.

Best

PFP

Do you remember in the last scene of “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” when Brad and Angelina are fighting like 100 S.W.A.T. Team looking men and one shot equaled instant death? Sure it was a bit perplexing but it was also satisfying because the good guys only had to shoot once or throw one knife and the respective bad guy was down for the count.

In “Atomic Blonde” it’s the exact opposite. Charlize Theron literally stabbed a guy in the face, then inflicted multiple stab wounds to his body, beat the crap out of him, threw him down stairs and into a glass mirror and he STILL LIVED. These bad guys literally didn’t die. Unless a bullet was through a guy’s head, they kept on kicking and it was the most annoying thing in the world.

I think Charlize is one of the most beautiful actresses in America, but this movie was so bizarre and confusing that even her “atomic blonde” hair couldn’t save it. I get that she’s supposed to be some kind of female James Bond, but the plot was so complicated (and just plain awful) that all of her fighting seemed so unnecessary!

In short, the synopsis was that there was some sort of list of all the double agents/agents of the CIA (I think?) or whatever the equivalent group is called in Britain and the list was kept in a watch. The watch was wanted by the Russians and other groups of angry European men, but (subplot) the list had also been memorized by a man named Spyglass.

Charlize was sent on a mission to retrieve the watch, but when she couldn’t find it she figured she’d take Spyglass home with her since he was basically the list as well. James McAvoy was supposed to be a good guy for a moment, but a monkey could have read through that plot hole in a second. [Spoiler Alert] James ended up having the watch and then killed Spyglass so that there wasn’t a “copy” of the list. Charlize figures this out through some weird deduction skill and ends up getting the watch, killing James, and also revealing at the end that she was a double agent. Though for WHOM she was a double agent for I HAVE NO IDEA.

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns

I did not understand nor like this movie. The fighting was unbearable to watch and nobody died. Except Spyglass. RIP Spyglass.

Sincerely

PFP

Wow. What a time to be alive!

Obviously not during World War II because that would have sucked. But how great is it that we’re alive now and can watch movies like this and see how terrible it would have been to be Winston Churchill! What a trooper.

I cannot imagine having to be Prime Minister of the UK in 1940 with half of Parliament basically being less attractive versions of Draco Malfoy. Literally would have been THE WORST. And if you’ve seen this movie, you know. It was THE WORST.

Gary Oldman does the most spectacular job portraying Churchill in this movie. Almost too good, because good ole Winston mumbled and never opened his mouth all the way when he talked, and Gary did the same thing so the long of the short of it is: YOU NEED SUBTITLES. To be honest I’d skip the theater on this one. Wait til you can rent it and turn on English Captions. I know for a fact that I missed a handful of subplots because Gary chose not to annunciate for the sake of authenticity, and I didn’t catch half of what he said. Gary, I appreciate you, but I also want to know what’s going on!

I also feel like this movie could have gone NEXT LEVEL if they actually inserted the movie “Dunkirk” about an hour in. Winston calls the General at Dunkirk telling him to use local boats to get the 300,000 men off that awful beach and then the next scene is it happening! How much more amazing would it have been if there was just a quick 2 hour detour and they showed us the actual Dunkirk movie?! SO MUCH MORE AWESOME. I know. This is why I need to be hired. Also, why are there no comment cards at the movies. I am full of great ideas to make these films better. Just sayin.

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns

Again, rent so you can have subtitles. Avoid the theater. If Gary wasn’t mumbling, he was smoking a cigar, so either way it’s impossible to understand him.

Best

PFP

Wow, what an uplifting movie. Between the verbally abusive mom, the physically abusive husband, the violent bashed knee incident, and Tonya’s constant tempers, it was hard to know who to cheer for first.

Also this movie went 45 minutes too long. If you end up deciding to watch this incredibly depressing and very disturbing film, I promise you’ll notice that moment when you think the movie’s over, the scene fades to black, and then, like the Huns after the avalanche in Mulan, you’ll see the movie continue to KEEP GOING, and then the next 45 minutes will have you restless and annoyed. Now I get that Tonya Harding still remembers her young life with every single detail ingrained in her memory, but we honestly don’t need to see all of it and most of it was quite repetitive *cue taking awful husband back 17 times*

The highlights of this film:

1) Margot Robbie was INCREDIBLE. Truly superb acting.

2) Allison Janney is one of my favorite actresses and she also kills it as the Mom! Terrifying mother. But amazing acting.

3) The movie eventually ended

Some lowlights:

1) The amount of scenes where we watched someone eat cereal was RIDICULOUS. Why was this a thing? Is this a theme to which she describes her life? “This one time, I was also eating cereal, and then…etc etc etc”. I was so confused as to why the cereal eating played such a huge role in this movie.

2) Now I’m not sure who this “Sean aka ex bodyguard” guy actually was because you NEVER see him doing any kind of bodyguard-ing ever. Plus, he’s basically the whole reason why Tonya married Jeff and why the “death threat” plan turned into a “knee bashing plan”. So he’s at the top of my “wish he didn’t exist” list.

3) I hated how Tonya kept making the excuse of, “I only knew of the death threat letter plan, I had nothing to do with the knee bashing incident” like it was really going to help her! Um, you planned a Death Threat Letter mission….where am I supposed to feel bad that your original idea got out of hand? Were you ever sorry you planned to DEATH THREAT someone? It’s like getting mad at a referee for giving you a red card because you broke someone’s arm in the game, but you had only been planning to punch them in the face. “Excuse me, Ref, you really need to understand that my intention was completely innocent. It was just supposed to be a face punch” – Tonya Harding

4) Last time I checked, ice skating is an aerobic sport. Meaning you breathe a lot. Meaning you need your lungs. Meaning you shouldn’t be SMOKING. I do not understand.

5) I know I don’t need to say this again but I’m going to: it was 45 minutes too long.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns only because the acting was so good

It’s definitely only a one-time see. It has been nominated for a bunch of stuff, so you know there’s fancy cinematic things happening. However, in my opinion, whether you’re on a date, hanging with your mom, or trying to have one of those “me days”, this will not put you in any kind of a good mood or give you a friendly mentality.

You’ve been warned,

PFP

Tom Hanks. Meryl Streep. The Vietnam War. Newspapers.

Not a particularly predictable combination, but oh it was so good. The one main thing that thrilled me the most about this movie was that there was zero, none, zilch romance between any of the characters. Hallelujah. Not only would seeing Tom Hanks with Meryl Streep be like watching Walt Disney with Julia Childs, but this film was all about the role and responsibility of newspapers during a time of war, chaos and lies, so by NOT adding romance in any way, this movie was able to hold on to its’ main lesson and I am so so glad it did!

Without spoiling too much of the movie, because I really want y’all to just get up and go watch it, the basic synopsis is that the owner and publisher of The Washington Post, Katharine Graham (played by Meryl) had to make some extremely difficult decisions at the time of the Vietnam War during Nixon’s presidency. Long story short, government secrets were stolen and copied and distributed to most of the major newspapers in the US, and after The New York Times exposed the US government, all other newspapers were told to cease research or they would be brought to court. Again, don’t want to spoil it so I’ll just leave you with this: This movie has some of the most stressful and dramatic stuff I’ve seen in a while! Yes, “The Big Short” gave me anxiety and yes, choosing where to go to dinner can be very stressful, but the amount of people that were effected by every decision she had to make was panic attack worthy! And of course Meryl delivered it brilliantly.

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns and 1 kernel

There’s no love, just drama. Go watch!

Best

PFP

I’m gonna be honest, I watched the last movie, “Central Intelligence” with Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Kevin Hart and I was NOT amused. So I went into this film with extremely low expectations. PLUS I watched the original “Jumanji” with Robin Williams when I was 7 and it gave me nightmares until I was 12. In short, the only reason I wanted to watch this remake was to be able to crap all over the movie in this review. To my complete shock and genuine disappointment, this movie was hysterical and I seriously loved it so much I can’t even.

For those of you that are big fans of the original “Jumanji”, first off, what’s wrong with you? And second, you might not like this version because it’s awesome and you clearly have low standards for movies, so enjoy “Pirates of the Caribbean Part 3” and “Maid in Manhattan”.

For you those people with taste, here’s a list of why this “Jumanji” is significantly better than the original:

1) Jack Black was the best part of this film and if I try to give examples as to why, it’ll ruin the effect. Just trust me.

2) The worst part of the original film was the fact that the game invaded their town and their house. Like when the animals came, they literally stampeded through their living room. No Thank You. However, in this version, the players get transported into a Jungle so my nightmares are now a non-issue. Very happy with that cinematic call.

3) Nick Jonas is in this film and his stubble level is perfection. He plays a pilot and he’s beautiful.

4) Because they also changed the game from being a board game to being a video game, they were able to add more elements to this game that made it so much more entertaining. A few examples are: each character got 3 lives (meaning characters could die and then fall back into the game), each character got strengths and weaknesses and some were HILARIOUS, and the “extras” in the game often had a specific and limited dialogue so they would repeat themselves and that added a decent amount of comedy.

5) The character avatars (The Rock, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, unknown female lead) were exact opposites of their teenage characters and it was AMAZING. Without spoiling too much, Jack Black was the avatar of a teenage girl called Bethany and it was the most brilliant move ever.

6) Colin Hanks is in the last 5 minutes of this film and in those last 5 minutes I almost cried. I’m assuming Tom must have taught him some solid techniques.

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns with 2 very surprised kernels

Seriously go watch this film. It’s incredible.

Truthfully Yours

PFP

You HAVE to watch this one scene. It is my favorite scene in this whole film and seriously rivals Sandra Bullock’s dancing scene in “The Proposal” which is still my #1 favorite scene in a film EVER. Honestly, Sally Field’s dancing to EDM as an eccentric accountant who has a crush on her 30-something boss is such a close second, it’s almost a draw! Before reading any further, you must watch:

CLICK HERE I’M SERIOUS. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmePeiU4Rkk

The movie as a whole was cute but there are so many cringe-worthy scenes that the cuteness doesn’t actually outweigh the awkwardness. From watching the previews, it’s obvious that there will be awkward moments because Sally Fields is a 60 something year old who has a crush on her boss that is a 30 something year old aka Schmidt from ‘New Girl’ aka Mr. Pretty Boy. And it’s pretty well known that every employee/employer crush is awkward. It’s also known that older woman/younger man crush is also awkward. However, when you combine the two AND add Facebook trolling to the mix, it brings this movie to a next level uncomfortable status.

Of course you LOVE Doris. She is so quirky and bizarre and a hoarder – which is a fun touch. Plus, she says what she thinks and there’s no guessing what she understands or doesn’t understand. She’s a straight shooter. But then you have the boss/male lead, Max Greenfield, who is the new boss of her company who is trying to just play nice with everyone. In other words, giving false hope to the ladies that are crushing hard – like Doris!

They have one magical weekend (Spoiler alert) where Doris (Sally Fields) and Max Greenfield end up at the same Electronic Dance Music concert and Doris gets chosen by the artist to be their model. All of a sudden Doris is “in” with Max’s crowd and she’s super cool. However, once they go back to work, reality sets in for Max, but Doris keeps thinking they have a special bond. The plot thickens when Doris finds out he has a girlfriend and then it gets way worse when she tries to seduce him at his party.

The ending was ok. I appreciated the fact that she got rid of her hoarder ways – that was giving me anxiety. But her fantasies about Max were so outrageous that even though you wanted them to come true, you were still thinking “who am I kidding? That will literally never happen.” I love Sally Fields but seriously, honey, Max was never in the cards for you.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns and 1 kernel for my second favorite dancing scene in a movie

It’s not as cute of a movie to watch once you factor in all of the awkward moments. It’s like third wheeling a really bad date. Watch this by yourself if anything, or with your mom, or maybe even your sister-in-law, but that’s about it.

Yours Truly

PFP

I remember reading this book in 7th grade and being so incredibly confused as to what was going on and what the heck was being “given” by The Giver. The only scene I remember reading was about a boy stealing a baby and giving it a memory of heat so that it wouldn’t be cold in the winter. Why the boy stole the baby? No idea. How the baby was receiving a heat memory? No clue. Why that one scene stuck out to me? Because it was super strange! Thank goodness they made this into a movie because Lord knows I’m not reading this book again, and the movie did make sense for the most part. Yay for Jeff Bridges.

Now there’s a few things I really liked and then a few things I didn’t. I shall start with the positives because if I start with the negatives you might not watch it, and I do believe it’s worth at least one viewing.

Pros:

1. Jeff Bridges and Meryl Streep are in it which basically means it can’t be horrible.
2. The actor that plays Jonas, the main character, is supposed to be a 17 years old in the film. Luckily he is 28 in real life, so ladies, it’s not weird to OGLE. And he is ogle-material FO SHO.
3. The people in this world that has been created in this film/book can only see in black and white and they have no memory of history or feeling or love or pain. However, the more that Jonas starts to be “given” memories and emotions from “the Giver” his view of the world changes. I especially liked the day he was given the color “red” then when he biked home he only saw things that were red but everything else stayed black and white. It seemed like a hard thing to edit, so props to That Guy that had to figure out what was red in the film.
4. It has a happy ending. Not a lot of movies these days have that ya know. So I appreciate a movie with a straight up happy ending, no plot twist at the end, no “just missed it by a second” tragedies, and no accidental bystander death. Just a good old fashioned Disney princess happy ending.

Cons:

1. The acting was a bit dramatic. Which I know sounds like an oxymoron, but the day that Jonas was given the memory “war”, he was crying and wanted to quit his “receiving” job. Now I’m not saying that war is not worth crying over, it most definitely is, however the scene that Jonas was given to show “war” was him hiding next to a friend and then the friend being shot and then Jonas being confused and sad. It was definitely not the opening scene of “Saving Private Ryan” which DEFINITELY should have had him in tears. Instead, he saw one person get shot and then hid in the bushes. In my opinion, Jonas should have also gotten injured so that he would also feel pain and loss and THEN that would have justified his reaction for sure. Again, I think he was a bit over-dramatic at times. And over-dramatic male characters are my least favorite.
2. Taylor Swift does a cameo in this movie and she’s TERRIBLE.
3. The world that is set up in this film is basically like Divergent except way less exciting. The same “brainwash” concept is present in both worlds, but Divergent is just so much cooler with their factions and color-coordinated outfit and super attractive adults! I literally didn’t see a single 20-30 year old in “The Giver” and I was extremely disappointed. You were either 17 or Katie Holmes.
4. Jonas’ friends were SUPER annoying. He had one girl friend, Fiona, and one guy friend, Asher. Fiona was fine because she just played the damsel in distress, but Asher was infuriating! He got jealous by seeing Jonas touch Fiona’s hand for like one second, and he got super pissed when Jonas tried to ride his bike after curfew, which by the way, Asher was out after curfew as well – WHY ARE YOU ARGUING. Asher was also really excited about his job, which was flying a drone aka the job where you sit at a desk and fly an object around a black and white town. Could your job BE less exciting? (said like Chandler Bing). Freaking Asher.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns and 2 kernels

Overall this movie makes you feel good and has an interesting story line especially if you haven’t seen “Divergent”. Actually, if you have seen “Divergent”, don’t watch this because it’ll just disappoint, but if you haven’t seen “Divergent” definitely watch “The Giver” first! You’ll love it.

Sincerely

PFP