What is this movie.

Why are all the phone calls in black and white? Can you actually tattoo yourself with a pen and a needle? Were these scenes filmed in forward order or backward order? Is the moral of the story that you can be a murderer if you have a short term memory condition? What tattoo artist is willing to permanently ink “Find Him and Kill Him” on someone’s Chest?Also, is it just me or is this movie just a horrible version of 500 Days of Summer?

As you can see, I have a lot of questions about this film. I honestly can’t decide if this movie is brilliant or just cruel. I also can’t remember the last time I watched a movie where you like the main character for 99% of the movie and then in the last 10 seconds you realize you’ve been cheering for the wrong team. It’s an awful feeling. Very similar to when I realized that Caesar Salad was like 1,000 calories. I ordered it basically every time I went out thinking it was the “healthy” option CAUSE IT’S A SALAD! But Noooooo. Caesar had to make his dressing out of cheese, mayonnaise, and straight lard. So not only did I have to deal with being hungry for years but apparently I had also already consumed 80% of my total calories for the day?! I was “memento-ed”. (Just wait, that’ll be trending tomorrow.)

I also need to rant about the tattoos. I get that it makes the cover of the DVD look super edgy, but Guy Pearce’s tats were SO creepy. Now don’t judge me too quick, I am a major fan of tattoos. I watch tattoo shows ALL the time: Ink Master, Miami Ink, Tattoo Nightmares, LA Ink, and Bad Ink. I am not saying that tattoos are creepy, literally just Guy’s tattoos were utterly disturbing. Now I understand the idea of wanting facts about his wife’s murder to be permanent, but I cannot get over the awkward placement of these tattoos. I just think that there are some places on a man’s body that shouldn’t have tattoos. I will tell you where and why:

1) Arch Across Chest: you either can’t read it in the mirror OR no one else can read it while looking at you if you were “smart” enough to get it inked backwards.

2) Upper Thigh: literally the most unsexy spot on a man. No one ever wants to see your upper thigh.

3) Diagonal Across Chest: why separate your pecs like that? It’s like wearing a seatbelt all the time.

4) Straight Across Stomach: it’s like a front facing tramp stamp, but instead of above your crack it’s above your belly button.

5) Below Belly Button: no.

Here are my final thoughts on this movie: I think it’s cool how they edited the film to be pieced together backwards, I also think it’s cool that there were multiple plot twists throughout the film, however, between the super weird tattoos, constantly confusing “clues”, and completely morally questionable ending to this film, I’d recommend you only watch it if you’re on a plane and the other 15 movies available are in French.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns

Guy Pearce is cuter as a brunette.

Best

PFP