Work It

DON’T JUDGE ME. I watched the preview and realized 4 things:

  • This seems like a bad version of “Step Up”
  • This seems like a dance version of “Camp Rock”
  • This seems like the cast of “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before”
  • This seems like the teenage level of romance of “High School Musical”

I’m hooked.

Now I do have a few things I need to get off my chest with this movie. So I’m providing you with a Pro/Con list. I will start with the Cons because I want to end on a high note. Not necessarily because this movie has more Pros than Cons, but quite simply because it’s 2020 and we need to end things on a positive note these days. AMIRITE.

Cons of “Work It” the Netflix original film:

  1. I literally CANNOT handle the teen/parent relationships that these movies insist on having. I just hate it. The parents are either way too chill, way too oblivious, or way too strict without any explanation which then paints parents as being “unfair” or “crazy”. Teenagers should have strict parents!! However, parents need to explain to their kids WHY they’re being strict otherwise the movie just paints them as a villain. Why do parents always have to be the villain?? Why can’t the sassy, rude, flunking-out-of-school teenager be the villain for once?! I am just so annoyed that the parents in these movies are always so embarrassing to watch because they either have no backbone or no reasoning and it’s just disappointing.
  2. The “Juilliard” character was too much. I get that he’s a diva but can he be a less aggressive diva? I needed him to be more diva-lite. I honestly fast-forwarded his scenes.
  3. There were some MAJOR inconsistencies with the so-called “knee injury” that Jake Taylor, the main male character, had. Um if your injury was so bad that you had to stop dancing and instead teach toddler dance classes, why is it that you can still perform at at the “Work It” finale? I AM CONFUSION.
  4. No way are Duke admission interviews even close to what happened in this movie. Bet you 5 million dollars that Duke is going to get an incredibly sad batch of kids applying this year after they watch this movie. False hope is never a good idea, NETFLIX!
  5. The final dance was honestly very confusing. I did not understand the concept. ALSO how is it that Quinn, the main girl character, became the star dancer? Did we forget that she was THE WORST like 10 minutes before that scene? I don’t understand how the final dance ended up featuring her. SOMEONE EXPLAIN.

Pros of “Work It”:

  1. This movie basically has everything you need to feel good about wasting 2 hours of your life. It’s got a great soundtrack, 4-5 very entertaining dances, a funny best friend, and a main character that really glows up by the end. Is that not the whole package or a Netflix teen movie?
  2. I genuinely enjoy watching bad dancing, so the first 45 minutes of this movie were highly entertaining for me. Also, it made me want to go to a wedding. Not sure how those correlate….
  3. The retirement home scenes were the best. Old people are awesome which reminds me STAY INSIDE, WEAR A MASK, COVID IS REAL, STOP KILLING THE ELDERLY.
  4. I loved all of Jake Taylor’s tattoos. Yummy.

Overall, this movie is exactly what the preview paints it out to be. It’s got stupid teen love, over the top high school dances, witty characters who are clearly older than they are supposed to be in the movie, and slammin’ tunes! I highly recommend for everyone to watch this on a Friday at 7pm with popcorn, sour patch kids, a glass of wine, and your PJs. Oh and please be alone. DO NOT watch with friends. Way too embarrassing. I’m embarrassed for you for even asking.

Popcorn rating: 3 popped corns

Truthfully Yours

PFP

Love Wedding Repeat

I legit can’t remember the last time I watched a romantic comedy and hated it this much. And that’s saying something because my bar for what is considered a truly horrible movie has to stoop below Camp Rock 2.

Love Wedding Repeat (2020) - IMDb

Basically this movie is a more frustrating and less funny wedding-version of ‘Groundhog Day’. However, instead of doing that fun montage of Bill Murray waking up day after day, stealing money, taking a piano lesson, and eventually getting laid, this movie basically makes you re-live the absolute WORST parts of a wedding 4 times until the final outcome (which is excruciatingly painful) results in {Spoiler Alert} one kiss. THAT’S IT! No proposal, no spontaneous wedding, not even an “I love you” – you sit through 2 hours of mediocre British comedy and you leave with one. stupid. kiss.

Luckily Olivia Munn is gorgeous and her character is remotely tolerable because otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to come up with one positive aspect of this movie.

Popcorn Rating: 1 popped corn – for Olivia

Watch if you enjoy disappointment and wasting your time.

Best

PFP

1917

Do you remember the first time someone showed you a GoPro video and you were like “Whoa, that’s so awesome, it’s like I’m floating above you and seeing what you’re seeing but not experiencing it which is cool but also I’m getting seasick so please edit this to 30 seconds.” That was this movie.

Now those of you in the “cinema world” are probably thinking ‘Hey, this movie is a work of art and you need to pipe down.’ I HEAR YOU, but also, I dare you to watch this while having popcorn, drinking a cherry-cola icee, and stress-eating sour patch kids….cause you WILL feel sick. Which was my personal experience.

1917 (2019 film) - Wikipedia

Here are 3 things about this film that were great followed by 3 things that were NOT great. It’s a short list because I actually liked this film a lot, but I will also never watch it again because I felt like I was on a bad blimp ride.

3 Great Things:

  1. The storyline was amazing and the acting was truly incredible.

2. I literally cannot believe this was all filmed in “one shot” – I don’t actually believe it. But who am I to call Sam Mendes a liar.

3. I loved that this film did not shy away from showing the weaknesses/power struggles of the British side in WWI, while still making it very clear that Germany is the bad guy. YOU GO GLEN COCO.

3 Not Great Things:

1. Why was the “one shot” cinematic feat necessary?! Honestly this goes back to how I feel about “The Artist” being a movie (and also winning an Oscar) – it’s totally insane. I get that silent movies are “cool” and that there hasn’t been one in a while….but ya know why?? CUZ WE HAVE SOUND YOU LUNATIC! Why would we ever want a silent film to come back again?? Is it so the orchestra can feel more important?? Cuz quite frankly, I’ve been in orchestras and we don’t actually care. What we DO care about is the fact that we just spent 3 hours READING a 30 minute dialogue cuz you guys wanted to type it out instead of SPEAKING IT!! It’s like if ABC came out with a new season of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, but it was be available on the radio. Do you wanna know who’s NOT watching/listening to that new season? ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE.

2. I have a hard time with movies that make you tired. I get that it’s probably some sort of major movie challenge to get your audience to feel the way the main character feels, but it was too much. By the end of the movie I needed a nap, and quite frankly I just don’t enjoy movies that literally exhaust me. If I wanted to get tired watching people do things, I’d just go to the gym.

3. I needed more screen time of the older brother. 1) because he’s yummy and 2) because…actually that’s it. He cute.

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns

Overall, I do believe everyone should see this film ONCE. That’s all you’ll want to do anyhow. Watch it one time, feel tired, be impressed with Director Mendes, and then go home, take a nap, and watch Grey’s Anatomy on ABC.

Truthfully Yours,

PFP

The Program

Is anyone else out there OBSESSED with the Lance Armstrong story? I seriously can’t get enough. And lucky for me there’s about 700 movies about Lance. Here’s what’s out there:

-30 For 30 on ESPN (4 hours of Lance)

-The Program (2 hour Netflix Movie of Lance)

-The Armstrong Lie (2 hour Movie of Lance)

-Stop At Nothing: The Lance Armstrong Story (2 hour Documentary of Lance)

Amazon.com: Watch The Program | Prime Video

Now, I’ve only seen the first 2 so I’ve clocked 6 hours of Lance Armstrong, but let me tell you – he’s addicting! If you know his story well then you’ll know how intriguing every single one of these movies/documentaries are. If you don’t know his story, let me summarize it for you (and if you think this is a spoiler then you’ve been living under a rock for 7 years because this crap hit the fan in 2013 and it’s gone to hell in a hand basket ever since)!

Lance’s life summarized:

-Born 1971

-Started swimming 1983, age 12

-Started triathlons 1986, age 15

-Lied about age to compete in triathlons, still age 15

-Started winning triathlons, but decided to focus on cycling in 1992, age 21 (low key started doping)

-In 1993 he won the World Championship in cycling, but had a hard time winning other European races (wasn’t doping enough, apparently)

-Continued cycling and doping through 1996, got diagnosed with advanced testicular cancer

-Fought cancer (definitely deserves kudos here), and got back on the bike 1997

-Started using EPO and blood transfusions to dope instead of just cortizone, testosterone and growth hormones (cause that clearly doesn’t sound like enough things to put in your body AFTER cancer)

-Won 7 Tour De Frances (which is literally insane) 1998-2005

-Repeatedly denied doping on television and in countless interviews. Some of his cyclist friends started to tattle on him, but because Lance was rich and a bully, he basically called them liars and then proceeded to ruin their lives.

-Retired from cycling after his 7th Tour win (2005)

-Took a few years off to focus on family and his foundation, Livestrong (this is actually a great foundation), and then got bored and arrogant and entered back into the cycling scene

-Continued to bully people and deny doping claims until….SUDDENLY! One of his old disgruntled cycling teammates (who had been caught doping), wrote a GIGANTIC email to the press detailing Lance’s doping history (the devil was in the details, let me tell you).

-Fast forward to 2013 – Lance has had multiple lawsuits with friends and journalists and other people who are all trying to rat him out. AND THEN. Out of the blue. He calls OPRAH. OH-PRAH!! And confesses EVERYTHING in a private interview. He confesses to doping, he confesses to ALL the drugs, he confesses to lying for years, and he confesses to not really feeling THAT bad!! YOU GUYS. IS THAT NOT ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING?!? Could you even imagine getting caught in that many lies?! It’s seriously amazing. And he almost got away with it too! If he hadn’t been arrogant after retiring, he could have died a hero. A HERO I TELL YOU.

-But now….everyone hates him. He’s a liar. He’s a cheater. He has very few friends. And his poor kids definitely need to change their last name. And move. And never ride a bike.

Basically, the movie “The Program” paints you this timeline in a very dramatic way and has the protagonist being a sports writer for Sunday Times. It’s very informative, super good acting, and ultimately, the craziest sports story to ever be witnessed on television. I also highly recommend “30 For 30 on Lance Armstrong”, because he, personally, gives interviews in 2019 (6 years after the major explosion), and his lack of remorse is INSANE. I just find people who are that apathetic to be crazy, thus…I must know more.

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns

Don’t get me wrong. I think Lance Armstrong is a pretty terrible person, but I find his ability to lie to the world for 15 years VERY binge worthy!

PS – His foundation, Livestrong, is actually fabulous and I think that’s the only reason he hasn’t been swallowed up by the earth yet. Please continue to donate. K thx.

Best

PFP

Parasite

I don’t understand why this movie won so many awards. Sure, it’s slightly disturbing, and yes, it leaves you thinking about it for days after…but quite frankly so does “Donnie Darko” and I didn’t see that movie win anything at the Oscars in 2001.

To hear my full thoughts on this apparently “amazing” film, here’s my youtube review. Enjoy.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns

Little Women (2019)

I am such a huge fan of this movie! I went in with a real excitement to be disappointed but instead I left without any mascara left on my face and my heart full of love for Timothee Chalamet. If you haven’t seen the Winona Ryder version then please go do that and also WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD?

Full review is below:

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns.

Sincerely Yours,

PFP

Falling Inn Love

I do not have a brilliant enough vocabulary to truly explain how terrible this movie is. If this movie was a candy, it would be the earwax flavor of Jelly Beans.

Popcorn Rating: 1 burnt kernel

Here’s the video with all my thoughts, which are not that many because this film was not worth my time.