Diane Keaton really bothers me. I don’t know what it is, but in every movie I have ever seen her in, young or old, she bothers me. HOWEVER, in this movie, her character is SUPER bothersome, and by some miracle, it makes this movie (and Diane Keaton) priceless.

SPOILER ALERT: there is something oddly satisfying when annoying people end up lonely. It’s like a little voice inside of you is saying “see, I knew it. If I try to be like her, I’ll be single. Thank goodness I’m me”. It’s comforting.

That’s what Annie Hall (aka Diane Keaton) does to you. She is so obnoxious and vexing that you are happy and content when Diane and Woody end up going their separate ways. But let me tell what makes this movie perfect: literally everything that comes out of Woody Allen’s mouth. He is racist, witty, and misogynistic, which really shouldn’t be the foundation to a main character, but for some reason, when it’s a small ginger man, every comment is simply hilarious!

I do NOT recommend watching this with your fresh new date, cause it’ll definitely make you believe your relationship is doomed, which then again it might be, so I take that back, go ahead and watch it. However, if you want to laugh and enjoy other people being single (shout out to my bachelor/bachelorette watchers)- this movie is for you!

Popcorn rating: 4 popped corns with a side of Latkas

Best
PFP

I’m gonna be honest. I don’t know what this movie is about. I mean, I know the plot summary, but I don’t get it. I left the theater saying “WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FILM?”

Let me tell you why this film vexed me so. It was advertised as “Marilyn Monroe’s first film!” So…..intrigue. I haven’t seen many Marilyn Monroe movies, actually I’ve only seen the Seven Year Itch where she stands over the sewage system or whatever “sexy” manhole that was supposed to be. (Sidenote: also a colossal waste of time). BUT Marilyn is such an icon that I thought “well, this outta be good! This is probably where her career launched! Maybe she has funny lines or pretty dresses or great acting skills”. NOT EVEN CLOSE.

Marilyn was LITERALLY in this 2.5 hour movie for 45 seconds. SECONDS. It was exactly like watching the end of the first Hobbit film when they look out in the distance and see the Lonely Mountain for the first time and their reactions was like “oh my gosh, it’s so close!” And the audience was like “Ughhh Mars is closer. Get some glasses, dwarves!” That is how I felt in this movie waiting for Marilyn. I waited 2 hours to see her walk up a staircase, ask Eve a question and then leave. “Ughhhhh Who makes these movie advertisements!!” It’s like you were told to watch the super bowl because David Beckham is there, but he gets 3 seconds on the jumbotron at the end of the 4th quarter. “WHAT! I waited 4 hours and 25 snickers commercials for this?”

I’m hoping one of those analogies spoke to you and made you realize that under no circumstance should you watch this movie for Marilyn. Now the question remains, should you watch this movie? That I can’t tell you cause I literally spent the whole movie waiting for Marilyn. However, if you like to use deductive reasoning you might say to yourself “well if the movie was actually super interesting, then they would have advertised something plot related to the cover of the movie instead of advertising Marilyn. Also, if the movie was good, this fabulous critic would probably have remembered something significant other than the fact that Marilyn was a major let down.” To that I would say “great job reader. You win”

There is nothing worth watching in this film. Especially not Marilyn. Sorry, Eve. It’s not about you.

Popcorn rating: 1 kernel for poor Eve

Truly yours
PFP

Me: “Let’s watch Goodfellas it’s on my list”

Friend: “Ok what’s it about”

Me: “Mafia. low key Godfather”

Friend: “Alright, I’m down.”

One and a half hours later…..

Me: “Welp, that wasn’t too bad. Pretty eventful movie!…….wait, what….it’s not over?”

-pauses movie-

Friend: “…..we have 2 more hours to go.”

(hard eye roll) Oh. No.

In conclusion: it’s an interesting movie, but it takes FOREVER to watch. This a commitment, not a 5k walk or 10k jog. This is a marathon and the kind of marathon that goes over a mountain and could quite possibly take 3 days.

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns.

-PFP

Alright, I’ll be honest. I have a soft spot for Westerns. This movie probably won’t leave you wanting more, but for some reason I really enjoyed watching this movie. I felt like time stood still while watching “Shane” and it was kind of fun to flirt with the idea of life moving THAT slowly. Obviously, I would die if my life felt that small, but for an hour and a half it was quite nice.

Basically, if you ever get into that mode where you feel like your house is on your fire, and your car is on fire, and you’re on fire – this a great movie to pop in and remember that 100 years ago in random parts of Montana, people actually cared about fields, vegetation, and family etc… Oh and it’s also fun to think back on a time when getting into a fist fight didn’t always mean that you had too much to drink in a bar on a Tuesday. Fist fights were REAL. If some guy threatened to take your land and horses in front of all your friends – you had NO choice other than to meet him at a saloon and punch him in the face. Life was so simple back then.

However, what really makes this movie great is the kid! The main character (Shane) lived with this family who had a son, like 8 years old, and I swear this child just had one line the ENTIRE movie. He said “Shane” about 3,000 times and each time was just told to yell it louder than the one before. I think I might name my son Shane just so I can yell his name like that kid. I mean that’s obviously why parents these days name their kids Stella – you gotta find a good reason to yell that name every once in a while, so it might as well be your daughter.

Main point – when life gives you lemons, throw them away, watch this movie, then remember you had lemons and figure it out.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns

Take Care

PFP

I 100% believe that the reason most people hate black & white movies is because THIS is the one they watch first. What is AFI trying to do to this country? You’re telling me that if someone never watched a movie before, you would tell them – watch Casablanca, Godfather, and Singin’ in the Rain, but before that……the number one movie you most definitely need to watch first is “Citizen Kane”! Go home. Thanks for playing. Nobody likes you.

I’m sure that when this movie came out – the year that watching paint dry got exciting – there must have been something in the dreary plot and uncomfortable acting that the general audience found entertaining. However, this list was just “updated” in 2007 and it’s still getting the Gold?!

The only things you need to know about this movie are:

-It’s long and uneventful

-Most of the movie is spent trying to get the camera guy to focus

-Orson Welles peaked in elementary school

-Figuring out what “Rosebud” meant was not worth 3 hours of torture

Buy, Rent, or Watch literally any other movie instead of this one. AFI, time for another “update”.

Popcorn Rating: 1 kernel stuck to the bottom of the bag

Yours Truly,

PFP

 

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!!?!? AFI actually categorized a movie correctly! Shut the front door.

I am, for once, in full agreement that this movie is a Top 100 movies of all time. I would even be so bold as to say Top 10. Now I know black and white scares some of you – and it’s probably because you’re uncultured and close-minded. But that’s ok, you still have time – pop some salty corn, spread out on the couch, and get ready to watch one of the best Romantic Comedies out there.

Before you get started, here are “Things you need to appreciate while watching this movie”:

1) Cary Grant

2) Jimmy Stewart

3) Katherine Hepburn’s waist.

4) The incredibly fast pace at which they talk

5) Cary Grant

Ok – you have been fully prepped and are ready to go. I highly recommend this movie specifically for recently engaged people that are so over the engagement process that they have considered eloping. This will be EXACTLY what you need to go through with it. Just don’t tell your mom I said so.

Popcorn Rating: 5 popped corns!

You’re Welcome,

PFP

*End credits roll* [SPOILER ALERT]

WTF?

Are you serious?

That’s the end.

Is there an alternate ending in the bonus features?

NO BONUS FEATURES.

What is this?!

I Can’t Even.

I mean, I guess I’m glad he’s dead. Though, let’s be honest, the professor should have killed him. What kind of main character is unconscious for half the movie? And what kind of sick storyline has a little girl getting drowned in it? At least come full circle and drown Frankenstein or something? Instead it’s like a bad ending to Beauty and the Beast – the angry mob of villagers gets to kill the monster. When has the angry mob EVER won? This movie has obviously not seen other movies. I can’t believe this is called a “Classic” – that’s like saying Tillamook is a Gourmet Cheese. Pah-lease. This movie actually started off interesting, but it was like driving through a creepy forest and hoping the pretty meadow was around the corner – and instead it’s a ditch and you fall in and die. Cool. Thanks for basically being the worst possible scenario.

Popcorn Rating: 1 kernel that tried to pop but died

Take it from me. Do not. Under any circumstance. Watch this movie.

PFP

 

 

This might actually be the most disappointing movie I’ve ever seen.

First, let me define “disappointing” in my terms: “disappointing – the feeling of watching a movie that you have been looking forward to for months, hearing it referenced on multiple tv shows, and having an extremely passionate and famous cover photo, and then watching it and realizing it had the worst plot, horrible acting, and one of the dumbest endings you’ve ever seen.”

Let me list you the Pros and Cons of this movie and you can do the math.

Pros

-Main character has a nice body

-Frank Sinatra is in it

-Takes place in Hawaii

Cons

-Plot is a cross between “Anapolis” and “Pearl Harbor” but much much worse

-Frank Sinatra doesn’t sing

-Infamous “beach scene” lasts 4 seconds and the raciest thing that happens is a little tongue action

-Main Character is stupid

-Second Main Character is stupid

-Frank Sinatra’s Character is incredibly stupid

-Ending is stupid

There you have it. Put this list on a scale and see which one out-weighs the other. That is a completely accurate, no BS Pro-Con list that should be taken very seriously.

Hope this helps you make better decisions somehow. AFI – again, please sack whoever put this movie on this list.

Popcorn Rating: 1 popped corn

Out,

PFP

I am here to be honest about these “Top 100” movies as well as give you my unwanted unfiltered opinion. However, this movie puts me in a compromising position because I thoroughly enjoyed watching it, but I would not recommend this to anyone I cared about. Let me explain.

This movie is about 3 men who fought in war together and realized that they all came from the same little town in some fly-over state. After coming home from war they all must adjust back into their “ordinary” lives, but inevitably all 3 of their lives end up intersecting in a cute yet very unrealistic 1940’s kind of way.

Now I am a sucker for long, drawn-out, overly developed love stories, which is why I liked this movie. HOWEVER, this movie is over 3 hours long (and it does not fly by) AND the cast is what I call “real” – you won’t be hanging any of them on your wall, fridge, or mirror.

So if I had written a nutshell review immediately after watching this movie, it would go something like this:

“Did not expect this film to be so cute and fun! Lovely story with a somewhat unbelievable plot line about 3 soldiers from war – definitely worth watching with your grandma”

But after lots of thought, reflection, and time – my nutshell review is as follows:

“Can think of at least 8 other movies that would be worth 3+ hours of my life. This is not one of them. Only watch this movie if you’ve JUST recently seen: Gone With the Wind, Ben Hur, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, ALL 3 Lord of the Rings movies, All 3 Hobbit movies, All 3 Narnia movies, and the entire series of Friends. If one or all of the previously mentioned movies/tv series is not fresh in your memory, I suggest you use your time wisely and get crackin’ on these classics.

I apologize if this review has left you confused about whether this movie is worth your time. So by all means, watch it and then get back to me. $50 says that I don’t really care what you think.

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns

Truthfully Yours,

PFP

OMG NO.

So many people complain that the movie is never as good as the book. Now I haven’t read “The Grapes of Wrath” by Steinbeck because Hello, have you tried holding it? Exactly, it won’t fit in one hand. You need two hands and thumb extensions to carry it. No thank you. However, let me tell you this – the movie is SO HORRIBLE that there’s no way the book could be worse. Do yourself a favor and – I can’t believe I’m saying this – READ the book first.

Now, I would not be writing a blog on movies if I enjoyed reading. Instead, I would probably be writing reviews on Barnes & Noble or whatever else “reading” people do. So obviously I am not a book-y. HOWEVER, I am praying that “The Grapes of Wrath” is such a horrid book that you wouldn’t even consider watching the movie – because you would know that the movie would be worse than the book and that rock-bottom concept is just inconceivable.

Three things you need to know:

1) Henry Fonda is attractive so don’t let the DVD cover fool you into thinking he will sweep you off your feet in this movie. He. Will. Not.

2) If you buy this movie or pay any sort of money to watch it – you are a fool.

3) If you watch this movie and like it, you probably don’t have friends. Cats are not the answer. It’s not too late to turn your life around. Don’t give up!

If you have to watch this movie in English class please do one of the following:

-Call in sick

-Fail English Class

-Buy one of these    (Ostrich Pillow) and fall asleep

-Drop out of school

Your Guardian Angel,

PFP