Shut the front door! That’s right, I’m critiquing a movie from THIS year – 2017. I know, I know, you were probably holding your breath hoping I’d comment on another silent film from the 30’s, but believe it or not, I still go to the movies. It is a rare event since Netflix and Amazon Prime are my bread and butter these days, but nevertheless, Wonder Woman got me out on the town the other night. Here are my thoughts:

1) “Hello, you’re gorgeous” – to all the Amazonian women in this film

2) “Hello, you’re gorgeous” – to Chris Pine

3) What is this desk job that Wonder Woman has? Are we all just supposed to sit here and watch her reminisce on her badass days and then accept the fact that she got an hourly paid secretary position somewhere? Need more information.

4) Ares really shouldn’t have been professor Lupin. I just kept waiting for the plot twist of Ares becoming a werewolf and it low-key took away from the overall plot.

In a nutshell, this movie is pretty great. I’m not a comic book, Marvel, DC person at all. I constantly get iron man, fantastic 4, avengers, and deadpool mixed up. Who’s who? What are their powers? Why are there so many of them? However, as an ignorant, comic-less, outsider I loved this movie! Very entertaining, very interesting, and very emotional.

Two thumbs way up!!

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns, 1 kernel 

Best

PFP

If you liked this film, you will not like this review. So, either exit out now, or keep reading because you probably need this reality check. 

I cannot believe this got nominated for so many things. Has no one actually seen a professional dancer before? Or heard someone sing well? Also wanna throw this out there – just because everyone can sing doesn’t mean they should. I know how to use a knife, doesn’t mean I should be a surgeon. Has the concept of being trained or naturally gifted or educated in your trade just gone down the toilet? Ryan Gosling – check yourself. I get that the standard for what hot guys can do is automatically lower compared to us “mere mortals” but can we all stop pretending to be impressed with Ryan and Emma’s terrible attempt at singing in tune and tap dancing? Literally calling it tap dancing makes me mad – foot stomping? Line dancing? Cha cha sliding? 

Quickly – YouTube Fred Astaire in any movie, watch him tap dance for 20 seconds and you will understand how big of joke this movie is. “The Best Musical in our time” – America, are we high? How could this movie possibly be considered a musical when the singing and dancing are terrible? It’s like calling “On the Town” a war film because Frank Sinatra wore a uniform. 

Literally the only saving grace of this movie was the fact that (spoiler alert) they didn’t end up together! PRAISE THE LORD! Something real in this movie! The two amateur professionals in the world of music and film chose their careers over love and didn’t get both! Folks, we finally have a victory. If they had actually ended up together AND been successful in their craft, then this definitely would have been one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. But luckily, even though the talent was non-existent, at least the plot was good. 

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns 

Keeping it real

PFP

Being a movie enthusiast, I rarely, in fact, I never read the books before watching a movie. I have always heard that if you read the book first, the movie will disappoint. Since I hate being disappointed, it makes the most sense to never read books JUST IN CASE you they turn into movies. 

However, since I grew up in the California Public school system (woot woot), I read To Kill A Mockingbird my freshmen year of high school. Then, as our reward for getting through the book, we watched the movie in class. Of course, as a freshmen, I was so annoyed that I spent three months reading spark notes when I could have easily learned the same amount by watching the movie instead. Well, se la vie. 

The only disappointing aspects of this movie, because yes, I was disappointed, were the facts that Scout was just about the most obnoxious child actor I’ve ever seen, AND Gregory Peck is WAY too hot to be a single dad without some sort of side chick. Talk about extremely poor casting. Who could ever believe that hunky Gregory would be a single dad, lawyer, and moral fighter without fifty women standing in line! However, other than those two aspects, this movie is quite moving, well scripted, and of course, a classic. 

In summary, I recommend watching the movie or reading the book, but definitely not both. The movie has some casting issues, but it can be overlooked since the storyline is so good. 

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns, 1 kernel

#sparknotes4lyfe
PFP

Can I start by saying I love Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant. Now that THAT’S out of the way. This movie is SO obnoxious.

I get why this movie is on the list- it has a freaking leaopard as one of the main characters – and at this point in history, you know for dang sure that they used a REAL leopard. So, props to Katherine and Cary for being pretty brave. But what’s super annoying is that both their characters suck. She is the most odious woman and he is stuttering nerd that John Cusack would be a relief compared to his character. 
The plot was entertaining, but I just couldn’t get over how annoying the main characters were. I’m so sorry, but I cannot in good conscious recommend this movie unless you’re doing some sort of Hepburn/Grant marathon and you’ve only got a few options (and obviously only a few friends). 

Popcorn rating: 2 popped corns

Sincerely,

PFP

Ughhhhhhh. Jack Nicholson sucks. 

This movie is about crazy people in a mental institution trying to escape the institution because they’ve convinced themselves that they’re not crazy. Fun plot. This movie makes you realize how many loonies are in this world and how easy it is for them to escape these places. ARE WE SAFE?! 

Fun fact: Jack Nicholson’s character is based on who Jack is in real life. Ok, it might not be factual but it’s 100% believable. He’s disturbing. He’s weird. He’s ugly. And that’s exactly who his character is in this movie. 

In case you need it spelled out, I hated this movie. I’m so upset I spent 2 hours watching this and wasted a perfectly good trip to the library to check it out. Don’t, under any circumstance, spend your time and/or money on this horrific film. 

Popcorn Rating: 1 kernel

-PFP

Oh Hitchcock! What would we do without your disturbing, twisted, nightmare-prone movies?! Now, you should remember that Vertigo was the most mind-tripping movie I’ve ever seen and to this day bell towers creep me out! Rear Window on the other hand, makes you want to never ever spy on your neighbors…which I guess might be a good life lesson for some of us. 

In a nutshell, James Stewart is stuck in his room for a while because he broke his leg and is in a wheelchair. He spends all day watching his neighbors in the apartments across the street. His girlfriend or whatever, Grace Kelly, hangs out with him but is frustrated that he’d rather stalk people than pay attention to her. Classic. Then James sees one of his neighbors kill his wife and stuff her in a suitcase or something. It gets uncomfortably suspenseful and ends with James breaking both legs cause he falls out a window (name of movie) but the killer gets caught, so….yay James.

On a side note- It took me 2 days to watch this movie because I kept thinking I was watching the same scene over and over again. I’m curious what the editing was like:

“Ok go to James. Now to the apartments. Back to James. Back to apartments. Zoom in on James now. Quickly, back to the apartments. Great, now James. Woo, great job guys, that’s a wrap!”

All in all, I enjoyed the suspense this movie created, and the plot was at least original and interesting, but man, I could have used a different scenary every once in a while. It felt like Groundhog Day but I couldn’t learn to play the piano or memorize French poems. 

Some advice: don’t watch if you’re feeling tired or if you have a fear of falling. 

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns 

Yours,

PFP

First things first, I’m elated that so many musicals have made it on this list! Recently, the musical movies these days have just been film versions of Broadway shows, and not that that’s a bad thing, but original music and original scripts seem to be a lost art (except for La La Land that just came out, but that’s for another time). 

I absolutely LOVE the music in this movie and, being a musician, Bernstien’s West Side Story is a staple in our repertoire list. So by all means listen to this soundtrack if anything! 

Now to address the film itself. For sure the best part of this movie was NOT the main plot aka the lovers. In case you didn’t know, this musical is based on Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet and if anyone took sophomore English you’d know that the two main characters are wildly obnoxious. Pretty sure everyone would agree with me when I say Mercutio and Tibult were the best part of the play. Likewise, the Sharks and the Jets are most definitely the best part of this movie. The dancing is phenomenal, the singing is great, and the outfits are FIRE. Case in point:

However, if I could change ONE thing in this movie, (spoiler alert) it would be to kill Tony like an hour and a half earlier! With that said, let me remind you that the soundtrack is To Die and the dancing is worth the torture that is Tony. 

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns 

Musically Yours,

PFP 

DIRT DIRT DIRT. Remember how I said that Do the Right Thing makes you want to shower because it’s so freaking hot in the movie? The Treasure of the Sierra Madre has the same effect. You want to start hoarding your possessions and wipe your shoes constantly.

Okay, so the one thing I’m going to harp on is not a main part of the movie, and I get that, but I just have to rant about it. THEY SLEEP WITH THEIR SHOES ON. Ugh. So gross! I literally had to pause the movie to shiver. Basically, there’s these three men, Humphrey Bogart being one of them, and they are on the search for gold. They end up finding this mountain that has tons of gold and they’re all alone, so they “dig” (or whatever the word is for ‘get more gold’) for a year! Not sure where they shower, bathe, or wash anything, but they sleep in their tent… in their work clothes… and in Their SHOES!! Their dirt filled, gold-digging, cave-hunting, shoes. It’s disgusting. I’m pretty sure that’s how you get small pox. I also cannot believe how much of this defined the movie for me. I know the shoe-thing shouldn’t play this large of a role on my opinion of this film, but that is literally all I could think about for 75% of this movie.

Overall, the plot is pretty great. Moral of the story is that too much money corrupts even the purest of souls. I would most definitely show this to young kids to teach them the lesson of sharing. AKA (spoiler alert) if you don’t share, you die.

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped kernels

Please shower,

PFP

Ugh another mafia movie!! How many of these are on this freaking list! I haven’t even reviewed the two Godfathers yet and I’m already up to my ears in mafia movies! 

I get that this one is a bit different and I like to put it in my “underdog” mafia movie category. So it’s basically the mafia equivalent to Remember the Titans if mafia gangs were like football teams and one person was trying to be better than the rest of them but no one thought they could make it through alive. So…..basically NOT at all like Remember the Titans but whatever. Marlon Brando, per usual, plays a great Italian guy that tries to be a “good” bad boy. It all gets violent and then there’s a moral at the end. What’s the moral you may ask? It’s not important and inapplicable to real life. 

Also, there’s a scene with a TON of pigeons. 

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns and a kernel for Marlon’s beautiful face 

Sincerely

PFP

“Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start”

You sing it Julie! This is the definition of a “classic”. You have young Christopher Plummer who’s so cute in this movie you legit go “OMG what happened!” when you see him today. And yea, who doesn’t love the old guy in National Treasure, but Captain Von Trap….HELLO!

Also, the puppet scene is actually my life goal. One day. ONE DAY! I will have enough free time and extra money to purchase those completely unnecessarily large stage props and super expensive marionettes and have 9 children who can sing and I will perform that Yodeling song. It’s the tits.

Long movie, short (see what I did there?)- you MUST watch this movie. Must. You must.

Popcorn Rating: 5 Popped Corns and Snaps for Christopher

Best,

PFP