OMG THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD.

I know it was “Rated R for Intense strong violence” but that was really not enough of a warning. It needs to say “Rated R for Intense strong violence and THOUSANDS of GALLONS of BLOOD”. If you have yet to see this movie, please heed my words. If you can handle war scenes because death is implied but never actually filmed, then you’re in for a real treat because Martin Scorcese doesn’t pan away when a knife gets thrown. You get to follow that knife directly into the person it’s headed for. Then you get to watch them bleed from said knife injury. More often than not, that’s also not the only wound that person gets, and yes, you get to watch all those other injuries happen as well. Thanks for the super light movie, Martin.

Now I know this movie is a “Classic” and I can sorta see why. This is definitely a great revenge story as well as a terrifying glimpse into what New York might have looked like during the Civil War. Plus, Leonardo DiCaprio has that perfect length of hair where it can be down and super sexy but can also be made into a small man bun, and that’s really everyone’s goal right? Also, Cameron Diaz isn’t super obnoxious, so that’s a real win for this movie too.

Here’s my plot summary of the film and yes, there’s major spoiler alerts, because I wish I had known what I was getting into:

1) Daniel Day Lewis and Liam Neeson represent 2 groups in New York – the Natives and Everyone Else #immigrants. They decide to fight to the death to figure out who should really run New York (a very primitive way of doing business). Daniel Day Lewis ends up killing Liam Neeson in front of his son, a young Leo. After the battle, they bring Leo to some sort of bible school/prison place for the next 16 years (Leo’s New York accent was very fake and very strong and I seriously could not understand what he was saying in the beginning. Might I suggest subtitles).

2) 16 years later and you see Leonardo grown up (like add 2 years onto Jack from Titanic). He comes back to New York to kill Daniel Day Lewis at some point. It doesn’t seem like he has any sort of major plan, but you can tell he’s trying to come up with one throughout the film. He meets some of his old friends from when he was little and starts doing business with them. He quickly realizes that Daniel Day Lewis (also known as “the butcher” in New York) owns and runs everything so Leo ends up working for him.

3) Leo and Daniel start to have a great relationship, Leo even saves Daniel’s life once. However, Leo is obviously torn because he hates this man. Leo also meets Cameron Diaz who’s a professional pick-pocket(er) and they become on and off lovers.

4) Eventually one of Leo’s childhood friends get jealous of the fact that Leo got Cameron so he tells “the butcher” aka Daniel who Leo really is – the son of his dead enemy – so Daniel now hates Leo. Personal Rant: CAN WE JUST LET SOME THINGS GO? You literally killed your enemy like 16 years ago and now you find out his son is your friend and you’re pissed? Where’s the logic? Is it really that hard to forgive someone? Yikes. Daniel seriously needs to chill.

5) At some weird Chinese Theater thing Leo and Daniel can sense some tension and at some point in the evening Leo tries to throw a knife to kill Daniel. It doesn’t work because Daniel was expecting it. Instead Daniel ends up beating the crap out of Leo and tries to mark his face so that he’ll walk in shame for the rest of his life. Now, I’m gonna be honest. Daniel literally did no long term damage to Leo’s face. Like none. His face was smooth and beautiful in the last scene and maybe he had like a small scab on his cheek, but it was seriously unnoticeable. Nice job, Dan. You actually did zero damage.

6) Fast forward through Leo healing. He eventually challenges Daniel to a final battle, exactly like the first one with his dad. However, at the same time a mob was starting to rise up because the first draft had begun and New York was not a fan. So now you have the Natives and Leo’s group + a super angry and destructive mob + the US Navy who’s trying to blast the mob from the water ALL fighting at the same time in the same town. SO MUCH BLOOD.

7) Last scene: Daniel and Leo can barely see because of all the smoke and dust. Daniel, I believe, gets a couple knife slashes on Leo. Then a blast goes off. Leo and Daniel wake up a Leo sees Daniel with some sort of wooden shank in his stomach and seizes the moment and kills Daniel. Yay.

8) SOMEHOW CAMERON FREAKING SURVIVES. WHAT? Literally everyone is dead. No one made it. But like some miracle Cameron waltzes onto the scene and helps Leo up and they walk away like a cab is waiting for them or something. I do not accept this ending.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns and 1 kernel

Last thought: Daniel Day Lewis is known to be a method actor. I am very curious if he actually became a butcher or not during the filming of this movie. His knife skills on those pigs he was cutting up were very impressive.

Best

PFP

Do you remember in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” when the Greek girl brings the white guy home to her family and it’s super overwhelming but really funny and all her siblings are messing with him and there’s a lamb cooking on the front lawn and everyone in the family is called Anita, Diane and Nick? Well, this movie is literally nothing like that. Sure this movie is about an interracial couple, but the comparison stops there. “The Big Sick” is about a Pakistani man who falls in love with a white girl while she’s in a coma. There’s obviously more to it than that, but I know you’re already hooked, so please read on.

Instead of giving you a play by play of the movie (because I think y’all seriously need to see it), I’ve compiled a list on why “The Big Sick” is a must-see chick-flick(ish) movie:

1) The main actor, Kumail Nanjiani, plays HIMSELF in HIS own love story of HIS life. Isn’t that the dream? How many times have you been to a party and people are like “who would play you in the movie of yourself?” And everyone’s go-to answer is always “Rachel McAdams” or “Angelina Jolie” because they’re secretly thinking that by saying one of those two women they’ll end up with Ryan Gosling or Brad Pitt as our love interest. So crazy, right?(Also, if no one has asked you that question, don’t worry, you’re not a loser- I’ve just been to a lot of parties. Also, I’m actually the one asking those questions at the parties I go to. Also, by “parties” I mean that I have my one friend over and that’s usually the question I ask her.)

2) The relationship Emily, the white girl, has with her parents vs the relationship Kumail has with his parents is spot-on REAL LIFE. Aka girl tells parents everything vs boy tells parents nothing.

3) Kumail is a stand up comedian in this movie, so he is awkward and it’s wonderful.

4) Ray Romano is in this movie.

5) The woman who plays the white girl’s mom in this movie reminds me of Leslie Mann and I LOVE Leslie Mann.

6) The whole story plot is a very real plot. As in nothing really actually works out the way you want it too. However this story does have a happy ending so it gives you that Rom-Com feeling you know and love but without the totally annoying super predictable factor that tends to come with all the Rom-Coms these days!

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns

Definitely a great use of your time! Very cute and funny and unpredictable. However, not a great movie if you’re an interracial couple hoping that this movie will give you lots of communication strategies. It won’t.

Truthfully Yours,

PFP

The

What an incredibly bizarre movie.

Thank goodness for Wikipedia plot synopsis because I was lost the entire first hour and a half. And yes, I say the FIRST hour and a half because this movie is three hours long so there was a SECOND hour and a half.

In case you didn’t know, this movie was originally a book, and I sincerely hope that the book was better than the movie. To sum it up, there are about 7-8 key actors in this film that partake in 5 different lives throughout 5 different centuries of time. Basically they have a unique life every 100 years or so (after they’ve died in the previous life in some horrific way) and in each different life they interact with the same 6-7 people. For example, in the 1800’s Tom Hanks is a super sketchy doctor that tries to poison a sad farmer man to steal his gold. However in the 1900’s, after dying a terrible death in the 1800’s, he’s a lying oil Lord that tries to scheme against nuclear weapons. Then in the 2000’s Tom Hanks is some sort of muscle man author who kills a critic that wrote a mean review about his book. So after Tom gets a life sentence in the 2000’s, he then becomes a weird barbaric chief of a village in the 2100’s. Confused? Hopefully the answer is YES because this movie is so ridiculous and weird that if it made sense to you I would be concerned for your well being.

Ultimately the one and only victory in this film was the make up! I obviously didn’t care enough to sit and watch all the end credits so I don’t know who the makeup artists were in this film, BUT whoever you are: YOU GO GLEN COCO! Truly amazing work. I didn’t recognize Halle Berry in half of her scenes and Hugh Grant was terrifying in almost every roll and to that I say “congrats”! Pure magic with that make up brush. Bravo.

Popcorn Rating: 1 popped corn and 1 kernel

Final thought: why the heck was this movie called “Cloud Atlas”? I get that it was the name of the song that one guy wrote in that one century in that one story plot, but why? Does it mean anything? What is a cloud atlas? Like a map in the clouds? I don’t actually care what the answer is, just wanted to throw that rant out there.

Most definitely the weirdest movie I’ve seen since Frankenstein.

Happy New Year!

PFP

First Question: Exactly how many story plots went on in this freakishly long movie? 7? 8? MORE THAN THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN is the correct answer. A couple more questions: Did anyone else feel like Princess Leia was just winging it half the time? Also who put Po in charge? What was the purpose of those puffin/pug/chubby creatures? Also, is Rey in love with Ben Solo? What love triangles are supposed to exist right now? Rey, Finn and Po? Rey, Finn and Ben? Finn, Rose and Rey? Po, Rey and Ben? I AM CONFUSED AND STARTING TO BECOME UNINTERESTED.

Now, if you haven’t seen the first 6 episodes of Star Wars, you’ll be fine watching this film because I don’t think they’re really necessary. If you haven’t seen episode VII then you might be a bit lost just jumping into this one because most of the characters stayed the same. (Side note: I am still trying to figure out what Rogue One had to do with anything). If you haven’t seen episode VII then here’s a one sentence run-on summary: A girl, Rey, from a random city has “the force” but doesn’t know she has the force until she meets Han Solo and fights for the Rebellion and uses Luke Skywalker’s light saber to fight Han Solo’s son, Ben, who also goes by Kylo Ren because it’s fun to give bad guys two names.

In this movie, Episode VIII, Rey finds Luke Skywalker and wants him to train her on “the force” meanwhile the Rebellion (aka the good guys) is constantly being attacked by the First Order (aka the bad guys aka Ben Solo’s army aka Kylo Ren’s army). After being a bitter old man for the first hour of the film, Luke Skywalker decides to help Rey and while he’s helping her, Rey and Ben Solo are having these awkward “force” meetings, where they feel the force and can see each other and talk to each other but they’re in different places. *My theory: This is where they fall in love!* Then Rey leaves Luke to help the Rebellion with her new “force” powers. Meanwhile, Rey’s friend Finn meets an Asian girl, Rose, and they work with Po, the best pilot in the Rebellion, to blow up one of their aircraft things. Apparently this was a big deal because they were willing to sacrifice literally half of the Rebellion population for it.

Finally, the last scene happens on this weird planet where the snow turns into red salt when it gets touched. With the help of Luke Skywalker, Rey, Po, and Finn, they escape the planet with the 20 people left of the Rebellion. Ben Solo/Kylo Ren is still alive but he is feeling conflicted about whether he’s a good guy or a bad guy because, as I stated before, I think he loves Rey and Rey is with the good guys.

Ultimately, this movie is exhausting to watch and it’s super hard to keep track of everything going on. Plus, I think the movie should have ended around the 1 hour and 45 minute mark rather than the 2 hour 30 minute mark, but that’s just me.

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns and 2 kernels

I don’t think I could watch this again, but the red salt planet was really cool, so maybe watch it for that?

Sincerely,

PFP

GO GET KLEENEX. DO NOT WEAR MAKE UP. WATCH THIS MOVIE ALONE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

This movie is hands down one of the best films I’ve seen in the last decade. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone because you seriously need to go watch this, but I need to tell you a few things before you see it because this movie will change your life. Side note: Dev Patel is beautiful.

Here’s a few things you need to keep in mind before watching this movie:

1) If you have ever considered adopting, you will no longer be on the fence. You will adopt and I’m really proud of you.

2) Children being lost is literally the hardest thing to watch and it is ok if you sob in an aggressively blubbery way. I’m talking to the men here.

3) The child actor in this film, Sunny Pawar, is absolute perfection and you will fall in love.

4) You MUST watch this in ONE sitting. I’m serious. If you are expecting a call, making dinner plans and/or drinking tea which will result in a need for a bathroom break, pick a different movie. This film deserves your undivided attention for its entire duration. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

Popcorn Rating: 5 popped corns and all the kernels

You will not regret watching this movie. Just make sure you have Kleenex or a handkerchief or a towel of some kind within reach.

Best

PFP

I literally cannot imagine what it must have been like watching this movie in theaters. Holy crap. I was on my phone for basically half the movie because I had to google what they were saying. And yes, I know they have those 3 little moments in the movie where a celebrity comes out and does a “real estate jargon for dummies” bit, but quite frankly that was over my head too. AND THEN because that was supposed to be “real estate for dummies”, I felt like even more of an idiot when I had to google their analogies that they gave to explain the jargon that I still didn’t understand. WHAT IS HAPPENING. All of Wall Street scares me and I know that in the movie they said that the reason people don’t ask questions is because of the super secret code names and acronyms they have for “money talk”, but I am here to tell you that IT WORKS. I was so overwhelmed with all the acronyms that I could not keep track of what was going on. With all that said, (once I googled the plot synopsis and the definitions of all Wall Street terminology), this movie was very interesting and very real and very terrifying.

One thing I’d like to talk about in regards to this film has to do with the 3 different stories going on. Now I get that this is based on real life and that this really did happen (in most aspects) in the 2008 stock market crash. However, if you’re gonna make a movie with Christian Bale, Brad Pitt, and Ryan Gosling you HAVE to make them be friends. I don’t care how much people hate “Love Actually” but that movie has the most satisfying ending in the world! That moment when you realize that everyone is connected to each other is hands down the best feeling at the end of any film. So, like an idiot, I was waiting for 2 hours to see how Brad Pitt was gonna randomly be Christian Bale’s older brother and how Ryan Gosling was gonna end up being his neighbor or something like that, but NOOOOOO. I just watched 3 beautiful men be part of 3 completely different story plots and then realize at the end that the only thing they had in common was that they all got rich by betting on America falling apart. How rude.

I get that changing a movie based on a real story means that you have to change a bit of reality, but everyone knows that “based on true events” means that it’s only 40% real. Plus, the only reason people want to see this movie anyhow is because the cover of the DVD is basically a cover for a perfume ad.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns and 1 kernel for Ryan Gosling in his oh so wonderful slim fit suit

Overall, if you are “money savvy” and/or like Wall Street and Real Estate talk this movie is perfect for you. If you like to google acronyms and/or use your dictionary app, this movie is also perfect for you. Enjoy watching Christian Bale have a glass eye!

Truthfully Yours

PFP

Apparently I’m in a “baseball mood” because I really wanted to watch this movie last night. In case you couldn’t guess from my “Field of Dreams” review, I don’t know anything about baseball nor do I really care about it. However, this movie had me stressed out for over an hour, and I couldn’t even enjoy my Christmas cookies while watching it! (Clarification: I still ate all the cookies, just didn’t enjoy them as much as I usually do). To sum this movie up: Brad Pitt uses math+Jonah Hill to change the game of baseball so that teams with less money, like the Oakland A’s, could win just as much as teams with money, like the New York Yankees. It’s basically the baseball version of the movie “Miracle” except it’s not during the olympics, it has more to do with budgets than all-stars, and nobody rented the movie to see Kurt Russell, where as I BOUGHT this movie for Brad.

In case you’re on the fence about watching yet another baseball movie, here’s a few things that might tip the scale for you:

1) Chris Pratt is in this movie

2) Brad Pitt literally goes ALL IN with his new “math baseball” plan. I really appreciate that. Most sports movies always have the main character waiver at some point with whether they’ve made the right choice about something, and sometimes they even change their mind about the decision they’ve made, thus causing conflict which obviously gets resolved by the end. However in this movie, Brad Pitt commits 100% to his new baseball game idea and it’s invigorating. Also very very stressful.

3) I appreciate tremendously that they never made you watch an entire inning! Everything was always in montage form or simply fast forwarded. Thank you, thank you very much.

4) Jonah Hill is the perfect balance of awkward and brilliant.

5) If you don’t know anything about baseball, you’re in luck! This movie is just about wins and losses and less about the technical stuff, so it’s easy to keep track of the A’s success/failure.

6) If you know a ton about baseball, you’re in luck! They name drop people like crazy and so I’m assuming you’ll enjoy that.

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns

Overall this is a very entertaining, very well done movie. I was super emotionally invested the entire time and also wanted a hot dog real bad by the end of it. Not a great date movie only because this will give you anxiety and people tend to not be in their most attractive state when they’re stressed. However, good to watch with your dad or a distant relative.

Happy Baseball-Ing,

PFP

Do you remember when you were little and you would have to use every rung on the jungle gym ladder to get up to the slide, and then the slide seemed so huge that you had to count to 3 slowly with your mom to motivate yourself to let go, but then you got older and realized that the slide was like 5 feet tall and you don’t even fit in it anymore? That’s basically what it was like watching “A Bug’s Life”.

First off, I watched this movie for the first time when I was 8 and here is what I remember:

1) Flik was super annoying and such a strange main character

2) The Lady Bug was hilarious

3) The Caterpillar was hilarious

4) The grasshoppers were terrifying

5) The little ant children were super cute

6) The moral of the story was that birds kill grasshoppers

I just recently watched this movie for the second time (15+ years later) and here is what I noticed:

1) Flik is literally the only ant with a brain and because he had ideas (good ideas) he was labeled as the “freak” of the herd

2) The Lady Bug being a dude is not as funny as I remember it being. In fact it wasn’t really funny at all, just made logical sense that some lady bugs would be men.

3) The caterpillar was SO annoying.

4) The grasshoppers are TINY!!! What?!? I swear they were animated so much larger when I was 8. When Hopper first steps on the scene (really creative name, Pixar), I seriously thought those were the baby grasshoppers that got sent to be messengers for the real grasshoppers. Why were the ants afraid of an insect only slightly bigger than them? The bird I TOTALLY get. But grasshoppers? Really? That’s like me being afraid of Victoria Secret models – skinnier and slightly taller women vs average female. Pretty sure I could take ’em. Or at least one. Maybe Kendall.

5) The little ants are still super cute.

6) The moral of the story is that ants with ideas aren’t crazy! They can actually provide for the colony better. Ants that are socially awkward, however, those are weird. So ultimately, Flik was still annoying, but not for his creativity, for his sheer lack of social understanding.

7) Oh and birds still kill grasshoppers.

Hands down, the best part of this film were the bloopers at the end! The best thing Pixar did in the film was create animated bloopers. That was brilliant. If you haven’t seen this movie ever before it might not be worth your time, but if you saw it when you were little and haven’t seen it since – totally worth it!! It’s the most eye-opening experience you could ever have.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns

Sincerely

PFP

So I think I’ve been living under a rock because I literally had no idea this movie was about baseball. I thought this movie was about aliens. I also thought Kevin Costner was going to be the 20-something hunky male lead who falls in love with the beautiful 20-something female costar while fighting aliens in his corn field, when instead he’s the married man with a daughter traveling the world collecting old people so he can bring them to his baseball field of ghosts. How was I this off-base about a movie’s context? I was literally sitting on my couch, by myself, stress eating Swedish fish, talking out loud at the tv asking it priceless questions to no avail! “Where is this voice coming from? Where are the aliens? Who are these baseball players? Since when has there been baseball in Iowa? Why does a Kevin Costner’s wife believe him? Is this Shutter Island?”

After getting over the fact that this movie is not about aliens in a cornfield, I actually really enjoyed it. The movie has an amazing soundtrack, Kevin Costner is as beautiful as ever, and Ray Liotta is way cuter as a baseball player than a mafia leader. However, like all great movies, it does have its setbacks. Here’s a short list of just a few things that you have to accept as facts so you can enjoy the movie and not be as confused as me:

1) One man can build an entire baseball stadium by himself in less than 2 minutes of film time

2) God talks to Kevin Costner in riddles

3) Corn fields are apparently Iowa’s version of a gold mine

4) Ghosts really desperately want to play baseball

5) Ghosts can make physical contact with real life people

6) James Earl Jones is a prophet and gets invited to heaven like freaking Elijah

As you can see, there are a handful of things that you just have to accept as truth before you can truly enjoy this film. However that’s what makes this movie special and also kid friendly. Because kids believe anything to be true if you just say it with enough Moxy.

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns

Highly recommend to watch without Swedish fish near you.

Best

PFP

(In the voice of Beyoncé) 🎶I’m dreaming of a…movie with Rosemary Clooney and Bing Crosby and dancing and singing and snow and love and Christmas…..just like the ones I used to know🎶

This movie is like Amy Grant’s Christmas album. If you don’t own it, you definitely know someone who does! Also, it’s on Netflix. Not Amy Grant. “White Christmas”. So, for those of you that no longer own DVD players, or DVDs, or players…. just log into your friend/neighbor’s Netflix account and search for it! If you pay for your own Netflix account you need to make more friends or call up your estranged brother and use his.

Here’s a summary of this movie in list form because I like lists and it goes by faster.

1) Opening scene: green-screen war zone where Bing Crosby is singing “White Christmas” and Danny Kaye is winding up the music box. (Background:Bing before the war was a famous singing show man, and Danny is an adoring fan). However, mid-song, war breaks out and a brick wall falls on Bing, but Danny Kaye pulls him into safety at the last second and Bing is safe but Danny breaks his arm. So Bing visits Danny in the hospital and Danny basically guilts Bing into adding him into his show.

2) Danny and Bing become a famous singing/dancing duo. But Danny has a plan to get Bing a woman.

3) Danny and Bing get invited to see an act of two sisters that are related to an old army friend. So they see it and Danny is attracted to one sister and Bing is attracted to the other. Nice, right?

4) Drama happens and the four of them end up on a train to Vermont.

5) The hotel they stay at in Vermont is owned by Danny and Bing’s ex-general from the army. The hotel’s not doing well financially so Danny and Bing bring their whole show up to the hotel to drum up an audience. The girls fall more in love with them because that’s what happens when famous people do nice things for normal people.

6) Bing has an even bigger idea and wants to go on TV to try and convince his other army friends to come to Vermont and surprise the general. However the maid of the hotel eavesdrops and thinks that Bing is trying to use TV to get more famous and make the hotel look sad and depressing. The maid obviously tells Bing’s lover and she leaves without communicating, cuz it’s fun and complicated that way.

7) Finally Bing goes on TV and the army friend sister who left, Rosemary Clooney (yes, George Clooney’s aunt), watches the ad and realizes she was mistaken! She runs back and miraculously makes it back in time for the show and then it starts snowing and then they all sing “White Christmas” and then everyone falls in love and kisses.

Ok so that turned into a longer summary even though it was in a list, but as you can see this movie is just jam-packed with drama and witty humor and yes, lots and lots of singing and dancing. Oh it’s a musical. Ok that’s it. Go search on your coworker’s Netflix account!

Popcorn Rating: 5 popped corns Truthfully Yours

PFP