First Question: Exactly how many story plots went on in this freakishly long movie? 7? 8? MORE THAN THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN is the correct answer. A couple more questions: Did anyone else feel like Princess Leia was just winging it half the time? Also who put Po in charge? What was the purpose of those puffin/pug/chubby creatures? Also, is Rey in love with Ben Solo? What love triangles are supposed to exist right now? Rey, Finn and Po? Rey, Finn and Ben? Finn, Rose and Rey? Po, Rey and Ben? I AM CONFUSED AND STARTING TO BECOME UNINTERESTED.

Now, if you haven’t seen the first 6 episodes of Star Wars, you’ll be fine watching this film because I don’t think they’re really necessary. If you haven’t seen episode VII then you might be a bit lost just jumping into this one because most of the characters stayed the same. (Side note: I am still trying to figure out what Rogue One had to do with anything). If you haven’t seen episode VII then here’s a one sentence run-on summary: A girl, Rey, from a random city has “the force” but doesn’t know she has the force until she meets Han Solo and fights for the Rebellion and uses Luke Skywalker’s light saber to fight Han Solo’s son, Ben, who also goes by Kylo Ren because it’s fun to give bad guys two names.

In this movie, Episode VIII, Rey finds Luke Skywalker and wants him to train her on “the force” meanwhile the Rebellion (aka the good guys) is constantly being attacked by the First Order (aka the bad guys aka Ben Solo’s army aka Kylo Ren’s army). After being a bitter old man for the first hour of the film, Luke Skywalker decides to help Rey and while he’s helping her, Rey and Ben Solo are having these awkward “force” meetings, where they feel the force and can see each other and talk to each other but they’re in different places. *My theory: This is where they fall in love!* Then Rey leaves Luke to help the Rebellion with her new “force” powers. Meanwhile, Rey’s friend Finn meets an Asian girl, Rose, and they work with Po, the best pilot in the Rebellion, to blow up one of their aircraft things. Apparently this was a big deal because they were willing to sacrifice literally half of the Rebellion population for it.

Finally, the last scene happens on this weird planet where the snow turns into red salt when it gets touched. With the help of Luke Skywalker, Rey, Po, and Finn, they escape the planet with the 20 people left of the Rebellion. Ben Solo/Kylo Ren is still alive but he is feeling conflicted about whether he’s a good guy or a bad guy because, as I stated before, I think he loves Rey and Rey is with the good guys.

Ultimately, this movie is exhausting to watch and it’s super hard to keep track of everything going on. Plus, I think the movie should have ended around the 1 hour and 45 minute mark rather than the 2 hour 30 minute mark, but that’s just me.

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns and 2 kernels

I don’t think I could watch this again, but the red salt planet was really cool, so maybe watch it for that?

Sincerely,

PFP