What an incredibly bizarre movie.

Thank goodness for Wikipedia plot synopsis because I was lost the entire first hour and a half. And yes, I say the FIRST hour and a half because this movie is three hours long so there was a SECOND hour and a half.

In case you didn’t know, this movie was originally a book, and I sincerely hope that the book was better than the movie. To sum it up, there are about 7-8 key actors in this film that partake in 5 different lives throughout 5 different centuries of time. Basically they have a unique life every 100 years or so (after they’ve died in the previous life in some horrific way) and in each different life they interact with the same 6-7 people. For example, in the 1800’s Tom Hanks is a super sketchy doctor that tries to poison a sad farmer man to steal his gold. However in the 1900’s, after dying a terrible death in the 1800’s, he’s a lying oil Lord that tries to scheme against nuclear weapons. Then in the 2000’s Tom Hanks is some sort of muscle man author who kills a critic that wrote a mean review about his book. So after Tom gets a life sentence in the 2000’s, he then becomes a weird barbaric chief of a village in the 2100’s. Confused? Hopefully the answer is YES because this movie is so ridiculous and weird that if it made sense to you I would be concerned for your well being.

Ultimately the one and only victory in this film was the make up! I obviously didn’t care enough to sit and watch all the end credits so I don’t know who the makeup artists were in this film, BUT whoever you are: YOU GO GLEN COCO! Truly amazing work. I didn’t recognize Halle Berry in half of her scenes and Hugh Grant was terrifying in almost every roll and to that I say “congrats”! Pure magic with that make up brush. Bravo.

Popcorn Rating: 1 popped corn and 1 kernel

Final thought: why the heck was this movie called “Cloud Atlas”? I get that it was the name of the song that one guy wrote in that one century in that one story plot, but why? Does it mean anything? What is a cloud atlas? Like a map in the clouds? I don’t actually care what the answer is, just wanted to throw that rant out there.

Most definitely the weirdest movie I’ve seen since Frankenstein.

Happy New Year!

PFP