The Princess Switch

So remember how I gave “A Christmas Prince” one popped corn and basically said it was a trash movie but looked pretty (glitter in a garbage can analogy)? Well…this movie is like faded glitter in a DUMP. What is going on, Netflix?!? Did you stalk MGM studios, dig through their trash, and find their old, sad, and discarded Rom-Com scripts but then decided to add a Christmas tree and call it a “Family Holiday Movie”? It’s actually getting ridiculous. I don’t care how many post-peak Disney channel stars you cast, these movies are indisputably bad and I can’t believe I’ve watched 4 of them. (Oh yes, there’s at least 2 more reviews coming).

The plot holes of “The Princess Switch” (more like plot craters because they weren’t hard to find):

1) There’s no way the main male lead (Kevin) could have had a daughter that old! He is for sure 32, 35 at most and that girl was definitely 15. I don’t care if you tell me she’s 8. She ain’t 8. I teach high schoolers and her attitude/sad handshake is 100% high school age. Nice try, Netflix.

2) I’m not sure how many of you saw “The Parent Trap” with Lindsey Lohan but it took those girls 3+ days to memorize all their family stuff/personality traits/habits and they were working REAL fast. Plus it took them like 5 hours trapped in a cabin to even figure out that they were related. Now, you’re telling me that Vanessa Hudgens can not only recognize her long lost “twin” in 2 minutes flat, but that it only takes 1 hour to learn to be a princess?!? Get Outta Here. That is probably the craziest 3 minute montage I’ve ever seen in my life. Also, the haircut was bad.

3) How could you possibly be best friends with someone for 12 years and not see them with their shirt off?? Did they literally never go to a beach or pool or jacuzzi in their 12 years of best-friend-ness? I’m calling BULL! (If you don’t remember this scene that’s ok, it just means you were too distracted by Kevin’s 16-pack to realize that America-Vanessa Hudgens had nonchalantly said on the phone that she never saw Kevin without his shirt on. Which is preposterous if they are actually best friends. Which they obviously weren’t. Obviously.)

4) Cutting the KitchenAid cord was probably the LAMEST way to sabotage a bake off. It was actually hysterical how anticlimactic that scene was.

Vanessa: “I’ll make the jam now. Oh, the mixer doesn’t work. How will I purée these berries?”

Kevin: “Guess you gotta do it by hand”

Vanessa: “Squash berries by hand? But that’s so old school.” End scene.

Why not take all their flour? Or grab their decorations? Their sugar? Literally anything else aside from cutting the one wire to the mixer that is apparently only used for jam….

5) I cannot for the life of me believe that the solution to this love problem was to make a Chicago baker a pretend princess and to make an actual princess a commoner in Chicago! THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN NETFLIX!! Unless of course you failed to mention the part where the Prince is actually a prince of a made up kingdom, so there’s no real power, or country, or crown. Oh wait. Ok so now I’m just supposed to believe that in made up countries anyone can be a princess?? Are there more of these countries in existence? Cuz I can bake and I also like buying gifts for kids. Call me.

Popcorn Rating: one corn below “A Christmas Prince”

Even though High School Musical literally made 2006 the best year ever, Vanessa Hudgens was simply not able to make this movie good. I am a big fan of horrible Christmas movies but this one was so cringy- it made it hard to binge eat cookies. Only watch if you’ve literally seen everything else.

Truthfully Yours,

PFP

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