One of my ALL-TIME favorite things to do is watch a 1 star movie (according to IMDB or if you’re a Rotten Tomatoe-r, something below 50%) that features today’s A-List celebrities. What you are basically getting ready to watch is either a movie they made before they became A-Listers, which is usually freaking fantastic, or a movie they made when they first became A-Listers to help “expand their repertoire” but failed miserably, which also makes that movie freaking fantastic. A couple examples of this are: “Miss Julie” featuring Jessica Chastain, “Shallow Hal” featuring Gwyneth Paltrow, “Ghost Rider” featuring Nicolas Cage, oh and anything Daniel Radcliffe did after Harry Potter.

Now some of you might say “Hey! Jack Black was also featured in “Shallow Hal”, why is she only throwing shade at Gwyneth?” Well, because Gwyneth won ‘Best Actress in a Leading Role’ for her work in “Shakespeare in Love” in 1999 and then decided to co-star in this atrocious Rom-Com in 2001. Where as Jack Black has been nominated for his voice in “Kung Fu Panda”. We are dealing with two different levels here, can we please move on now?

Suffice to say, this film “Forces of Nature” is again, only going to feature a shaming of one A-List Celebrity. Yes, both Ben Affleck AND Sandra Bullock are featured in this Romantic-Drama-Comedy-Garbage-Movie, but Sandra actually looks REAL good and her character is hard not to love, where Ben over here comes off as a major creep, an unfaithful dirtbag, and an indecisive little child. Oh, I also just don’t like Ben Affleck, but that has absolutely nothing to do with this review. I can totally keep my personal feelings out of this – this is business. Not personal. After all, my movie reviews are super unbiased and based only on fact and film. So, back to this review. Here’s why Ben is the worst:

1. His name is Ben IN THIS MOVIE. Who does that? Is it because he’s so bad at acting at this point that he only responds to his own name? Calling him a different name would illicit no response? At least go with Benji or Benny! Did you really want to make it that obvious how bad you are at acting in this film?
2. Ben’s eyes in this movie were so incredibly creepy, he must have practiced! Actually, I am going to insist on the fact that he practiced, because if that stare comes NATURALLY he should not be allowed to continue in this industry.
3. His character was so bad at lying that I was actually embarrassed for him. Now maybe that was scripted, like the director said “ok Ben” (remember how he didn’t change his name for the film) “try to seem awkwardly hesitant and insecure about everything you say”. However, at certain points in the film the other characters BELIEVE him on some of his lies – and that to me is TRUE acting. How could Ben’s lies possibly be seen as truth?!? His delivery was terrible, his eyes (again!) were incredibly distrusting, AND when you are directly compared to Sandra Bullock who CAN act in this film – you are screwed. Ben, please re-assess your career path. Oh, you went into directing? That’s awesome. Wait, you direct films that feature you as the main lead…..I retract my previous sentence. The one that ended with awesome.
4. Ben’s inability to make any logical decision in this film was infuriating. He only made decisions when he was 100% emotionally invested. The second he had clarity or a moment to think or was left alone for a couple minutes, he went back to being super confused and indecisive. In fact, he was indecisive all the way up until the last scene [Spoiler Alert] when he saw his fiance in her wedding dress and picked her over Sandra Bullock. The entire time he was with Sandra he kept saying he was gonna choose her and live a Bohemian life style with her, but then he gets all emotional seeing his previous lover in a white dress and then at the last second decides to marry her! Ladies if this isn’t a red flag I don’t know what is. If he wanted to be with another woman 3 minutes before deciding to marry you, he ain’t gonna be yours for very long. Can I get an Amen?
5. Ben Affleck was a horrible Batman.

Popcorn Rating: 1 popped corn for Sandra ONLY

This may have been less of a review on “Forces of Nature” and more of a review on Ben Affleck, but whatever. I think you get the point that you should not see this movie unless of course you enjoy what I like to do which is watch horrible films and then rant about them online. It’s fun.

Bye Ben. Thanks for Playing.

PFP