I am here to fill you in on a tradition that happens every 20-30 years in Hollywood. A movie with the title of “A Star Is Born” came out in 1937 with the following plot:

“A famous male actor who also happens to be a violent alcoholic, falls in love with a talented but not-famous-yet female. Said actor helps make female love interest into a Star and she becomes more famous than him. After marrying and acting together, man realizes she is better off without him and kills himself.”

Wow! What an uplifting movie! Hopefully Hollywood makes another version of it later. Well, lucky for you, they did! However the second time, they decided to switch it up a bit. Instead of making the not-famous-yet girl just act, they made her a Musical Star! That way, she can act AND sing AND make more money for Hollywood by having an original soundtrack to go wit it. So who did they cast for this 1954 remake? Judy Garland! Of course! No one can get enough of Dorothy. Great job, Hollywood, you tugged at our heartstrings once more and Judy really made this sequel quite a doozy. But wait….there’s more!!

Since the first two movies didn’t show everything that the Hollywood life has to offer (alcohol AND drugs), they decided to make a third version of this film. Phew, I was starting to worry that alcoholism was the only issue they were going to feature- so glad they added cocaine! That’s definitely what was missing. And whom did they grab as the star for part III? None other than the incomparable Barbra Streisand!

Since they have to switch it up a bit again, they got rid of the acting part altogether and just had her sing. Perfect. Now the movie can be over 2 hours long because 1 hour and 40 minutes of it will be Barbra debuting her first solo album on film! Heck. Yea. (In case you thought my sarcastic tone went away at some point in these last 2 paragraphs, I’m here to tell you it hasn’t and I am seriously stunned that this movie has had a triplet).

But not to worry, America. If you thought Judy and Babs fell short on the talent, I am here to tell you that in this incredibly lucky year of 2018, we are to be graced with yet ANOTHER version of this “classic” film! Can you believe it?? I’m serious. Can you actually believe they are doing this AGAIN?! Is the road to stardom really that necessary to see on film 4 times?? FOUR TIMES!! Hollywood, nothing ever needs to be done 4. Times.

Now, let me just say for the record that these movies are not bad. Honestly, each individual one is really quite good. But after watching all 3, you start to question why it keeps being remade? The original one actually had superb acting, in my non-film-educated opinion, and the remake with Judy Garland was also brilliant because she CAN sing AND act. (Also, “The One That Got Away” is one of my favorite songs ever).

For Hollywood to then remake the remake with Barbra was pretty bold (because who wants to be compared to Judy), but she totally knocked it out of the park, so I guess Hollywood wins again. How obnoxious.

BUT WHY ON EARTH ARE WE DOING A FOURTH ONE HOLLYWOOD?!?! I don’t care how talented Lady Gaga is, you cannot do better than Streisand or Garland. Plus you know Bradley Cooper is the new Russell Crowe from Les Mis….cast for his report card but can’t sing for beans and when compared to legit singers just looks like a fool. Also, what is the message that Hollywood wants to send four times?

Potential Hollywood Messages:

1) Don’t be famous or you’ll kill yourself.

2) If you’re famous you will do all the drugs and all the alcohol.

3) If you marry someone famous, you will have a horrible marriage

4) Being an alcoholic justifies ruining the Grammys.

5) Women are more talented than men.

If the true message is #5, I just feel like there’s so many other ways to get that across! If it’s any of the first 4 then I’m not sure why there is now another remake in the works. And, of course, I am going to see it! Who wouldn’t? It’s like every time they cast a new James Bond, you have to see it, but if you grew up with Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig doesn’t stand a chance to be anything other than garbage.

Popcorn Rating on the Trilogy: 4 popped corns

Best of luck Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga! I know it will be trash, but fingers crossed you change something big so you have a fighting chance to produce something tolerable!

Truthfully Yours

PFP