The Hunchback of Notre Dame

This movie single handedly made me a super weird kid. The two things I took away from this movie were:

1. Gargoyles will come alive if you’re lonely enough 

2. Every necklace you wear is a secret map of a city and if you look at it correctly, you can find gypsies and/or an underworld full of outcasts. 

So basically, when I was 10, I believed that if you wandered far enough away from people and made legit eye contact with a gargoyle/stone creature, it would eventually come to life and be your friend. I also started to overanalyze every piece of jewelry ever given to me in case I missed a cross or “x” or something to indicate a secret tomb full of oppressed people. I was THAT kid that tried to talk to rock figures and legit thought my jewelry was magical. Thanks, Disney! 

Other thoughts on this movie: the soundtrack is PHENOMENAL. No lie, this soundtrack is for sure the most underrated soundtrack in all of history. It’s beautiful and amazing and I’m positive if John Smith sang it, it would be number one on Spotify, but since a hunchback named Quasimodo is singing, it didn’t even get top 100. Don’t get mad at me, I’m simply the messenger. Listen to the soundtrack- it’s TO DIE.

Also, Frolo, who is the pious priest that “takes care” of Quasimodo is a super sleezy really creepy man and I didn’t realize how creepy he was until I heard his song “Hellfire” in my early 20s. WOW WHAT WAS DISNEY THINKING. It’s all about how he lusts after Esmeralda and it’s crazy uncomfortable and I can’t believe this movie is for 8 year olds!!

Finally, Esmeralda is so pretty, I don’t understand. Headbands literally never look good on anyone, and she pulls it off like a champ. It makes me angry that her hair is perfect and her eyes are green. I know she’s an animated character but it still makes me upset. Esmeralda, we can’t be friends.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns and 1 kernel 

All the popped corns are for the soundtrack and Esmerelda’s perfect face. Overall, this is a classic Disney film, just don’t show your kids until their older and past the stage of wanting inanimate objects to be their friends. 



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