You know how everyone says that sequels are never as good as the original? yea….

Let me start by saying that I adore Chris Pratt and I think the little Grut guy is super cute. BUT this entire movie was literally based on the plot of “racoon steals light bulbs”. THAT’S IT. Sure they added in about 300 new characters and a half dozen subplots to the movie, but when it’s all stripped down, the initial plan behind this movie was to have the racoon steal 3 bulbs from golden people and run away. Can we do better Hollywood? Please.

Also, the Hercules spin with Chris Pratt’s character was RIDICULOUS. I was kind of annoyed when Avatar was basically a blue version of Pocahontas, but at least they got to ride dragons and “John Smith” actually stayed with Pocahontas, which was the ultimate dream. What does Guardians of the Galaxy do with the Hercules plot? They make Zeus EVIL and they KILL HIM. As if we don’t have enough scars from the Disney movies, now we have to watch a modern twist on Hercules and his Immortal Celestial Father is the villain?! What kind of negative, unfortunate, and troubled world do we live in where Disney endings are remade to go sour!! It’s unreal.

Disregarding the sad plot and the depressing Hercules spin off, the relationship between the Mantis girl and Drax was probably the funniest thing I’ve seen since the new “Jumanji” (read that review and also watch that movie). I loved the raw emotion Mantis had and also the super refreshing honesty that was so beautifully executed by Drax. My favorite lines:

Mantis: I am hideous?

Drax: You are horrifying to look at. Yes. But that’s a good thing.

Mantis: Oh?

Drax: When you’re ugly, and someone loves you, you know they love you for who you are. Beautiful people never know who to trust.

Mantis: Well, then I’m certainly grateful to be ugly.

The dialogue is brilliant and hilarious and momentarily distracted me from the disappointing plot and sad Hercules replication.

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns

Those are my thoughts – sorry Marvel peeps – I just couldn’t get on board with this sequel.

Honestly Yours,

PFP