Black Swan

Ok, I know I’m like 7 years late, but HOLY CRAP THIS MOVIE. 

I didn’t know whether I should have felt super depressed at the end or really thankful that it was finally over. How is ballet still a thing?!? Is this movie “based on potentially real events”? Why hasn’t every mom pulled their kid out of this violent extra-curricular? 

Now there were a lot of things about this movie that didn’t sit well with me: Natalie Portman’s mom, Natalie Portman’s coach, and Natalie Portman. But the most heinous crime committed in this movie had to be Natalie’s inconsistent, back-spreading, bubonic-like rash!! What is going on? Was it really necessary to make her evil inner personality be resembled outwardly as a BACK RASH!? Come on people! What happened to good old fashioned red eyes or weird horns? A rash? Really? So gross. 

To sum up this movie (in case you haven’t seen it these 7 years it’s been out): it’s about a shy, neurotic ballet dancer that gets cast as the lead in Swan Lake meaning she has to play both the pretty white swan and the evil black swan. However, her personality is not evil or seductive so her coach gets mad and basically gives her a major inferiority complex. She gets crazy jealous and paranoid about everyone and everything and has weird sex dreams about Mila Kunis and then ultimately (spoiler alert) accidentally kills herself. This was hands down the most bizarre ending to the most bizarre film I’ve ever seen.

Not sure who came up with this film pitch, but they seriously need to chill with the rashes and the stabbings. Those are two very gruesome things that ballet movies really shouldn’t be promoting. 

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns

I really do love Natalie and Mila, but watching them in this movie is like seeing the calorie amount at the Cheesecake Factory: disturbing and depressing. 

Keepin’ it real,


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