“Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?” The famous words that the unbearably awkward Dustin Hoffman utters as he plays Benjamin Braddock in this AFI Top 100 Movie. Now, this movie was quite “original” in that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher weren’t a couple yet so the concept of a cougar was not yet established. Therefore Mrs. Robinson and Benjamin were quite a shocking couple in the 60’s. I will NOT give you a synopsis of this movie because EVERYONE and their mother already knows it. Therefore I will simply give you my opinion.

THIS MOVIE MAKES ME WANT TO THROW THE REMOTE AT THE TV WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY PEEING IN MY PANTS. why? Why is this movie so disgustingly uncomfortable. I have to physically get up off the couch (not a movement I am used to) and pace around the living room because Dustin Hoffman is so unbelievably uncomfortable. I have never seen an actor be this awkward ALL THE TIME. Why is this happening? Who said “Oh no, Dusty, pause even longer before you talk so that the audience will really think that you have a mental disability. Oh yes….much better”.

This entire movie should be 30 minutes long. First off, there is about 15 minutes of unwanted Scuba Diving scenes. WHAT?! Scuba Diving in an ocean or sea flirts with the idea of being a little interesting but instead, Dustin scuba dives in a pool, a SWIMMING POOL, in his backyard. I CAN’T.

Second, the affair lasts for like what – 2-3 weeks top?!? Was this necessary? Could it have just been ONE awkward night instead of a bunch of weird weeks? Everyone knows that Benjamin Braddock only lasted like 43 seconds at the most the first time, so why not exploit that!? Does anyone really want to see him GRADUALLY get decent over the course of 14 days?! No. Because we have things to do and places to be. It’s completely unnecessary. Mrs. Robinson wasn’t the smartest tool in the shed for picking the awkward senior in high school who CLEARLY never got any! #learnfromyourmistakes

Finally, (SPOILER ALERT) Benjamin runs away with Mrs. Robinson’s daughter, Elaine – the actual love of his life! Oh yes, because I forgot that in 1967 you can meet someone twice and then fall in love and live happily ever after. DISLIKE. This is not Disneyland. Happily ever afters are for FOOLS. Benjamin Braddock, get a job.

Dear AFI,

Have you watched this movie recently? Do the world a favor and actually watch these films before you put them on a list!

Sincerely

PFP