First off, don’t judge me. I may or may not have watched this movie for the first time last week. Now, I know you’re thinking “omg she thinks she’s a movie person but she hasn’t even seen this classic?” I know, I know, but let me defend myself. My dad made me watch this movie when I was 8. I made it through the first scene, but when that guy got shish-kebabed after trying to steal that golden monkey, I was out…..and I’ve avoided this movie ever since. Now, obviously, I am older, wiser, stronger and a better person for it, but the PTSD was real and it’s taken me a couple decades to get over it.

Anywho, whether you’ve seen this movie recently, a while ago, or on repeat, here are my very fresh thoughts on this film (in case you haven’t noticed, I like lists). Enjoy:

1. The title is very misleading. Definitely thought they were looking for Noah’s lost Ark, but instead they were looking for a holy Ark box thing ….not a large ship. 

2. Harrison Ford needs to have higher standards for women – that girl is straight up annoying. I was stoked when I thought she had died in the back of that truck, but of course, she survived and had to be useless and helpless for the rest of the movie. Goodie.

3. The Disney ride makes SO much sense now.

4. I love the fact that Gimli and Hans Solo starred in this movie together. It was like watching two of my favorite worlds coming together in a desert. 

5. Ok. WHY WERE THERE SO MANY SNAKES?! I get that Indiana was afraid of them, so obviously Spielberg needed to throw a couple in there, but really, 5 million snakes? I can’t.  

6. After watching Wonder Woman (see review) and having studied World History in high school, I almost feel bad for the Germans because they are literally portrayed as the worst people in so many movies. Keyword was almost. I don’t feel bad. 

7. Lastly, where did he get that whip? Did he buy it on Amazon? From an antique store? Was it passed down to him from his father’s father? It seems very useful and I want one. 

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns 

I totally get why this movie is a classic. Harrison is lovely and the plot is very thrilling. I will need some time to process all those snakes, but after that, I’m definitely down to watch this again. Maybe even with my dad. 

Truthfully Yours

PFP