I’m gonna state some facts real quick and then I’ll let you know my thoughts on this movie. The facts will help you determine whether you’ll agree with my review, but ultimately these are facts, so, you should agree with me anyway.

Fact: Benedict Cumberbatch is one of the best actors out there – Sherlock blows my mind. You all need to watch Sherlock (BBC).

Fact: I don’t have a great relationship with Marvel. It’sbeen very on-again off-again, and currently we’re in off-again mode, and I don’t foresee an on-again anytime soon.

Fact: Magic coming from a wand or a staff or a glass ball is palatable. Magic coming from hands….not so much. It might be because it takes me back to my Mathilda days….not a great time. Tried to open a lot of doors by just staring at them. Did not make a lot of friends that year.

Fact: Movies that don’t make sense don’t get great reviews.

Facts are done. It’s review time now!

I know it’s hard to believe based on the above information, but I did not like this movie. I don’t think I’ve ever asked “what is happening?” so many times in one movie. Let me be clear, this is not because I couldn’t follow the basic plot of a comic movie, this is because what was happening on screen was the most bizarre, inexplainable, ridiculous stuff I’ve ever seen. Here’s a small snippet from my brain of the first ten minutes of the film:

“ok, these cloaks are weird, but I can see this being cool somewhere. wait, are they in a library? Is that a librarian? Are all future librarians that hard of hearing? How did he not hear a clan of people trotting in like that? Also, does the evil guy always have to be ugly? Can you cast one James Dean these days? yikes. Whoa, what the? Is that fire string? Where did that come from? Ok so you want me to believe that they ALL just happen to have matching fire whips coming out of their arms? wait, this guy also has other hand powers? Ugh if this is another Darth Vader concept I’m out. Ok cool. librarian’s dead. wait, are these the good guys? who am I supposed to get attached to? am I happy they have the book? was that book really worth killing someone with fire-y string for? who’s team am I on? Where’s Benedict!?”

This movie quickly goes from a Mathilda sequel into the Inception movie, then takes a left turn at Karate Kid, a right turn at the Matrix, and ends on Prisoner of Azkaban street. It’s straight up ridiculous.

However, I will say that the end of the movie is quite interesting. Benedict finds quite a good loophole in the super weird solar system that you somehow seem to accept by the end of the film. Unfortunately, by the time things finally got interesting I had already decided this movie was nuts and didn’t really pay much attention after the first electric/fire hand thing happened. Ultimately this movie just allowed me to consume my weight in popcorn and kept my relationship with Marvel at bay.

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns, sorry Bennie

If you want to watch a movie that makes you ask yourself around 300 questions before the film’s over – go for this one! You’ll be pleased.

-PFP