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A Simple Favor

Legitimate question to the Hollywood writers out there: DO YOU ALL RUN OUT OF IDEAS FOR THE LAST 2 MINUTES OF EVERY MOVIE???

Hit by a Prius. That’s how she goes. A Prius?! You trying to get more Bay Area viewers with that? Or maybe y’all are trying to send a subliminal eco-friendly message in your semi-dramatic-thriller-rom-com film? No wait. You talked to Lindsay Lohan and she was like “omg hit her with a bus” and you were like “we can’t ALSO do a bus! But we can do…..a PRIUS!”

I’m gonna lay out all my issues with this movie, but before that I’m just gonna quickly say HI BLAKE YOURE PERFECT ALSO HI ANNA BIG FAN.

Ok here are my problems with “A Simple Favor”:

1) Was this a comedy? A thriller? A drama? I don’t know. I didn’t laugh. Wasn’t ever really scared. Kinda thought everyone was being pretty EXTRA by the end so….maybe drama? Someone shed some light please.

2) Can we just quickly talk about Anna Kendrick’s husband/brother/lover situation? Did that ever actually get resolved? We know this- Anna has a husband who died in a car accident with her “brother”. We also saw the car go intentionally into the median, so not so much accident and more murder/suicide. Also they planted the seed of “is that guy Anna’s brother or her kid’s real dad?” And then the scene ends. WHAT!? We’re just supposed to “Inception” this ending? I need to know!!! How sneaky IS Anna?! Ugh. I need answers.

3) Is Anna’s vlog real cuz I kinda wanna know what’s in that hangover smoothie…..it was SUPER GREEN but kids were drinking it, so did it have skittles or something? Need recipe ASAP.

4) How the heck did Blake Lively get all her stuff back in her closet?? There was literally so much stuff. There’s no way Blake could have that done so fast and all by herself! It took Anna like 3 days and a long montage to do it plus she was throwing things out! As we all know, it’s way easier to unpack than to pack. I just don’t see how that was possible so there’s major plot hole #1. You’re welcome.

5) Drowning someone has to be harder than that. Just sayin. Plot hole #2.

6) While she was drowning you could see her wig come off. Plot hole #3.

7) Was Blake’s kid actually stupid? How do you go to your moms funeral and then nonchalantly be like “I saw mom today”…..uh dude. I get that you’re 8 but you gotta be smarter than that. Please know that seeing someone after they’ve died is not casual dinner conversation.

8) Why would you throw a wrench in the air hoping it would hit your eye instead of just hitting your eye? I mean, haven’t tried it, but knowing my ability to throw directly up, I feel like it’d be so much easier just to whack yourself in the face than to throw and stand and look up and not move. I don’t care enough to test my theory, but if anyone has….actually keep that to yourself.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns

I was interested to see what happened and how it all happened, but honestly the whole movie was just so methodical that it didn’t really have any true moments of suspense or thrill or drama. It was just like “well yea obviously she killed her sister” or “well yea obviously she didn’t REALLY shoot him” or “well yea obviously she was totally gonna shoot him.” It was just so predictable. And a Prius. Really? Smh.

Truthfully Yours

PFP

Bohemian Rhapsody

Disclaimer: I watched this on Hawaiian Airlines so I’m pretty sure I watched the PG version of this movie. I’m not sure if the rated R aspects of this film would really change my review, but in case you disagree with me, there’s that.

Here’s the bottom line of this movie: Rami Malek 100% deserved to win Best Actor (if you haven’t seen the side by side comparison of his performance at Live Aid on YouTube, you must watch now), HOWEVER, this film was boring. Maybe I’ve just re-watched too many Harry Potter films recently, and this one didn’t have magic so it obviously didn’t impress me much, but also the whole plot to this movie was basically “talented quirky guy gets famous and realizes he’s gay after marrying a pretty chill girl.” I get that it’s a true story and a tribute to Queen but aside from the cool backstories behind the songs, the actual movie was just kinda bleh.

Now before everyone starts hating on this review let me say a few things:

1) Freddie Mercury was brilliant

2) Queen is and deserves to be a legend

3) The last 15 minutes of this movie were fantastic

My main issue is with the middle part of this film. You could tell the director wanted you to feel bad for Freddie like he was the victim of some huge unfair plot. They kept trying to show his soft side with the lamp scene to his ex-wife and with his cats everywhere. But the main message I got was that he was a diva and needed to just treat people decently. His anthem was to be the band that belonged to the people yet he was rude and selfish and not super pleasant to work with.

In short, I just don’t appreciate it when movie directors try to tell me how to feel about the main character. I can judge people all on my own thank you very much.

I don’t particularly like or dislike Freddie Mercury any more now than I did before watching this film, but I did learn a lot about the band. I just wish an hour of this movie wasn’t spent on watching Freddie party. Also I love how he is shocked near the end that his band didn’t like him…..uh you made fun of them all the time and treated them like your servants….when you’re mean, people don’t like you! #lifelessons

In conclusion- the acting: superb. Costumes and make up: impeccable. Songs and performances: literally perfect. Movie as a whole: not worth watching again

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns and 2 kernels for Rami

Maybe “Rock n Roll tribute movie” just isn’t the sub-genre for me, but I felt like I was watching The Lion King- I just couldn’t wait for them to get to the next song. I needed the plot to fast forward so I could hear the band play. Sorry if this is some sort of faux pas, but I wanted more music, less parties.

K thx

PFP

Pitch Perfect 1, 2, & 3

The “Pitch Perfect” movies are basically the premium version of the “High School Musical” movies. You think I’m wrong? I’ll prove it to you.

Image result for pitch perfect 3

The first film aka the OG was spectacular and catchy and had lines you could quote ALL DAY i.e. “I’m horizontal running”, “Love you awesome nerds “, and “Gotta getcha getcha getcha getcha head in the game”, etc. Plus, in the first Pitch Perfect, Anna Kendrick and her male lead are not allowed to be together due to the female acapella group hating on the men’s acapella group similar to how Troy and Gabriela couldn’t be together because nerds and jocks don’t like each other in high school. Parallel movies so far – I think yes!

Moving on to Movie 2 – in the sequels to both of these classics, everything just gets worse. The romance is worse, the songs are worse, the plots are worse, and the extra characters do NOTHING to the overall balance and blend of the original group. On all fronts, both sequels are garbage. The only positive part of Pitch Perfect 2, specifically, was when the German acapella group sang – cause they were dope.

Finally, we get to our 3rd installment of the series. I was incredibly hesitant with “Pitch Perfect 3” because “High School Musical 3” was another bust. It was better than HSM 2, but that’s not really saying much. My real issue with HSM 3 is that Sharpay is STILL the “bad girl”! Making the same high maintenance teenager the enemy for all 3 movies is just overkill and quite frankly, uncreative. She just wanted to be “Fabulous”, and clearly she learned everything from her parents, who, by the way, are major pieces of work. So really, we should be unpacking her family background and trying to help her become a decent member of society, but instead we’re just watching her continue to sing badly and hoping she’ll embarrass herself enough on stage to distract from the fact that long distance relationships in college will NEVER work out if you look like Zac Efron. There is no realistic happy ending.

As you can see, I was extremely hesitant to invest in another 3-movie work, but after some delay and a convenient HBO GO account I stole from my sister, I decided to sit down and commit to completing the PP series. To my surprise, it was Mondo-Fabulous. I loved every minute of it! I laughed out loud at some points and loved all the songs and new cast members. I am also SUPER glad that Anna’s character did not fall in love with DJ Khalid’s assistant because it would have been far too predictable and ultimately disappointing since she can honestly do so much better! I mean, we don’t even know if he can sing OR dance…..so really, where’s the allure?

Here’s the short list of reasons you should watch Pitch Perfect 3 and complete the trilogy if you haven’t already:

1) Anna Kendrick looks BOMB in her black jumper

2) DJ Khalid is in it and he’s quite entertaining

3) Fat Amy apparently has a black belt in karate and it’s freaking wonderful

4) Hailee Steinfeld is no longer annoying, and even though she single handedly ruined “Pitch Perfect 2”, her contribution in this 3rd film almost makes up for it. keyword: almost.

5) The riff off in this movie is the best

Popcorn Rating: 4 popped corns

I genuinely believed that “Pitch Perfect 3” would be pretty terrible so I didn’t even make any popcorn to watch it! I am so upset with myself because this movie was popcorn-perfect and I just misjudged the trailer so hard. It’s definitely not as brilliant as the first “Pitch Perfect”, but it came real close. Definitely better than the 2nd and far better than HSM 2 & 3 combined! Yep – I said it. HSM 2 & 3 COMBINED.

Happy Watching,

PFP

Zodiac

This is the LAST time I am ever watching a movie based on the cover of the DVD. You see Mark Ruffalo, Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr, and the Golden Gate Bridge and you think “This is gonna be AWESOME! Three of my favorite actors in one of my favorite cities. What could go wrong?” Plus the picture on the front is cloudy which means there’s gonna be some sort of tragic love story (most likely) and maybe even a mysterious past or a Sherlock Holmes sort of situation and you get PUMPED. But then about 4 minutes in you realize it’s actually about a psychopath serial killer and you’re too lazy to change the movie, so here’s my review on a film I most certainly did not want to watch.

Image result for zodiac movie

First things first, I am not against thrillers. Quite honestly, I love them a lot even though they definitely still give me nightmares. I love the mystery and the creepiness without the completely unnecessary frightening bits that horror movies have. Thrillers are the classier version of horrors, and horrors need to stop pretending they are anything other than a series of pointless jump scares! The ONLY issue I have with thrillers (other than my nightmares) is that some of them go unresolved. Why would you do that to me? Who creates a totally uncomfortable and disturbing story line without a resolution?! Oh, wait, this is based on real life? *hard swallow*

Yea, so guess who stayed up til 1:00am doing research on the Zodiac killer? this girl. I literally could not sleep until I read enough evidence that the Zodiac killer was for sure dead/no longer on the hunt. I am currently sleeping with a baseball bat next to my bed as well as some wasp spray because it shoots up to 20 feet away and will most definitely blind someone if sprayed directly into the eyes. I am on incredibly high alert now and find myself yelling “Not today Satan!” anytime I hear an unexpected noise. Other than that, this movie had little to no effect on me.

The only thing that really truly bothered me about this film (other than the fact that the entire plot was ridiculously disturbing) was that Dermot Mulroney was in this movie and not once did he take his shirt off! How rude! When was the last time you saw a Dermot film without at least one shirt-less scene? Is your answer never? Cuz never is correct. He has never once done a film where he doesn’t at least get partially undressed. It was incredibly disappointing and quite honestly ruined whatever tiny part of this film was left to give me hope. I am officially suspicious of everyone now and I can’t even rely on the one thing that I thought would always be true: Dermot Mulroney would always be found shirtless on film. Last night was filled with so much disappointment.

Finally, I must say that Jake Gyllenhaal’s wife in this film is probably the most patient woman that’s ever existed in America. The fact that she didn’t blow a gasket every time he clipped a newspaper or watched the TV is beyond me. I hope she treats herself to a massage weekly, cause boy does she deserve it!

Popcorn Rating: 2 popped corns – too creepy to be good

I know that this movie was made very well and acted out very well, but it was just so dang creepy and, unfortunately, based on real life, that I can’t bring myself to like it. I will let you know when I start to trust people again, but for now, wasp spray it is!

Truthfully Yours

PFP

Love, Rosie

Who here remembers the famous elevator scene in “Serendipity”? If you don’t, let me jog your memory. The scene opens in New York City, Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack are both shopping in this department store and for some reason, I can’t remember, they both reach to grab the same glove at the same time and basically fall madly in love in about 6 minutes flat. They’re both technically betrothed to other people, but since this seems so much like “fate”, Kate comes up with this great idea of testing destiny. They go into a hotel and get into separate elevators. She then says that if they somehow manage to end up on the same floor without telling each other which floor, then she’d believe that they were “meant to be”. So you see Kate get in her elevator and hit Floor 23 and then you see John get into his elevator and hit Floor 23 and you’re thinking “Wow this is going to be the shortest Rom-Com in the history of America” and then at the last second a kid with his dad walks into John’s elevator and presses ALL THE BUTTONS. That moment. Right there. When the kid pushes floors 1-40 in one quick second. THAT feeling is this movie.

Image result for love rosie

First off, “Love, Rosie” is the most inaccurate title for this film because there was not a single time where Rosie actually signed a letter saying “Love, Rosie”. If anything this movie should be called “Love, Alex” or “Dear Rosie” or literally anything else other than the lie that it currently is. Also, can we stop with the cutesy titles? What’s with all this vague, mysterious, ambiguous title-ing? Why can’t we just call a spade a spade and title movies for what they are? Some of my suggestions for this film: “Love with seriously bad timing”, “Forget about one kiss and your life could change for the worse”, “Falling in love with your best friend is super common”, or even “Letters are not a great way to communicate life changing proposals because sometimes your jealous husband will hide them from you”. Now I’m not saying my titles are as polished as I’d like them to be, but they are far more accurate, that’s for sure!

Secondly, even though I am going to rag on this film in the next few paragraphs, I must say that I genuinely liked it and will most likely watch it again soon.

Thirdly, to sum up this movie in one sentence {Spoiler Alert}, it was basically the movie “One Day” (starring Anne Hathaway and the British guy from “Across the Universe”) except no one dies at the end and Rosie has a baby.  It has 100% got to be one of the most dramatic “bad timing” romantic films I have ever seen, and I have seen them ALL: “Romeo and Juliet”, “Out of Africa”, “An English Patient”, “Cast Away”, “The Time Traveler’s Wife”, and every Nicholas Sparks film.

Fourthly, I’d like to just ever so quickly bring up a few things about this film that made me frustrated beyond belief. Once more, I liked this movie and highly recommend it. Now let the ranting begin:

Rant #1: Lily Collins looked 22 years old the ENTIRE movie. She did not age, and yet halfway through the film she has a 12 year old. I found the plot hole. You’re welcome.

Rant #2: Netflix, is it possible at all to just find average-height models? Why does every model that ends up with the main male lead have to be 6 feet tall? Why not just find a pretty 5 foot 2 incher? What’s wrong with short pretty girls, huh? I’m just saying, it’s getting a little redundant and predictable. Oh and also ever so slightly annoying for us 5 foot 6 inchers that want to think we still have a chance. I’m ranting for a friend.

Rant #3: I’m annoyed that the gist of this movie is “two best friends fall in love”. Yes, that’s technically what happens, but what this movie does to you to get you to the ending is just plain cruel. Instead of just having one stormy night or a dramatic football game like a normal romantic film, the main character, Rosie, had to have a baby first, get married to the cheating baby daddy, get divorced, have her father pass and only then could she finally get together with her best friend who also had to marry an adulterer and get divorced as well! I don’t know if this movie is actually encouraging love or making it sound straight up impossible.

Rant #4: The daughter is way too blonde to be a believable product of Lily Collins and whatever brunette actor played her husband. It’s science.

Rant #5: The ending came way too quickly! If you are making us sit through 2 hours of pure love agony, you have to give us at least one full scene of happiness and love and togetherness. I hate all of these “Inception”-esque endings nowadays. I just want to see if the top is going to keep spinning or fall. Don’t let me decide for myself! Tell me! That’s why I paid $13 to watch this. People are so rude these days.

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns and 1 kernel

This movie had a good ending and a good beginning. The middle was awful and literally never got better until the very very very end. It’s almost like the anti-“Titanic”. If you would like to add one more frustrating Romantic film to your list then by all means, sit back, open Netflix, and enjoy.

Yours Truly

PFP

 

Incredibles 2

Yea, yea this movie came out last summer but it just came on to Netflix so it’s still SUPER relevant. I have a handful of thoughts on this sequel, but to sum it up in one sentence: It’s better than Mulan 2, Pocahontas 2, and Finding Dory, but it’s still not better than Lion King 2, The Two Towers, or Camp Rock 2. And yes I’ll go to the mat on that.

My other thoughts on Incredibles 2:

1) Violet’s voice is honestly super annoying. I know it’s hard to voice an angsty emotional teenage superhero girl, but if we could just take the nasal-y-ness a couple notches down, it’d be much appreciated!

2) I’m kind of super confused as to where all the other superheroes came from. I get that adding more heroes makes the movie more “diverse” but once you open that Pandora’s box, there’s so many clarifications that I need: are these heroes from other parts of America or the world? They had foreign accents so I’d guess they’re from all over the world, but if that’s the case how are there only like 8 more? There’s 197 countries in the world and there’s only one “Incredible” family and 8 extra heroes (one of which is an old man who’s bowel movements turning into lava = a super power?)? Also, why not just steal ALL the X-men powers? If you’re gonna have a metal-mind-crusher-guy, you better have Wolverine thrown in there too. It’s only fair.

3) Jack Jack is the best part of this movie and the sequel should have just been about him.

4) I liked the hypnosis aspect because it was kinda creepy and unique. HOWEVER, you’d think that a computer genius who can hypnotize people would have come up with a more permanent way of controlling them than SUNGLASSES. They were so easy to take off that the heroes should honestly have been insulted. Sunglasses? Really? Couldn’t even do strap on goggles? Or a helmet? I have 5 more ideas that are better than sunglasses and I’m not even that invested in this.

5) Frozone worked the hardest by far. Currently waiting for that movie.

6) I love that taking care of 3 kids was significantly harder than being a superhero. It is. And that was for sure the moral of this movie.

7) Red is out, Black is in. If you don’t believe me, watch “Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse”

Popcorn Rating: 3 popped corns

If you have Netflix and find yourself babysitting 5-12 year olds then you’re in luck cuz this movie will pass the time well and it’s pretty entertaining. Does it blow my mind in the superhero movie category? No. Is it one of the best sequels I’ve seen? Also no. But would I watch this on a Saturday during the day even though it’s sunny outside? Yes. And I did. Do what you will with that.

Best

PFP